A Kentucky Pitmaster Threw an Entire Brisket at a Woman’s Head

If you happen to be the ill-informed sort of sap who thinks the most newsworthy thing going on in Kentucky has to do with Kim Davis—the clerk who refuses to do her actual job and issue marriage certificates to gay couples—get ready to have your preconceived notions gloriously shattered.

Briskets are flying at the Kentucky State Barbecue Festival and not in the "Holy shit! My dreams have finally come to fruition!" kind of way.

Mary Berry, a 35-year-old native of Bardstown, Kentucky, was in for one hell of a rude awakening when she was struck by a flying whole brisket, thrown in a moment of violent passion. Berry told police she was struck by the soaring beef in the shoulder, neck, and head. She was attending the barbecue festival as an employee of the Florida-based Fire House BBQ.

"It caused burns to her neck, back, and shoulder," Danville Police Sgt. Jonathan Courtwright told WKYT News.

Reports indicate the brisket in question was pretty damn hot—up to 250 degrees Fahrenheit—and was allegedly flung by barbecue pitmaster Mike Owings, who was having a heated argument with another pitmaster about being forced to share the same cooker. Well, that explains everything, doesn't it?

The Kentucky State Barbecue Festival is held in Danville, Kentucky, and features several "celebrity pitmasters," including Carey Bringle, whose biography cites several accolades, including the honor of the "#2 BBQ sauce in the country," and Mike Mills, who claims to be "known world-wide as 'The Legend.'" We are sorry to report that Mike Owings—the brisket-flinger—is not listed among these celebrity pitmasters. But Mr. Owings obviously takes his job seriously … perhaps too seriously.

Sadly, the brisket in question was never found by police and was believed to have been thrown away after the altercation. That might be the most unfortunate part of this story, with all due respect to Ms. Berry's brisket-induced injuries. Wounds will heal, but brisket? That shit is eternal.

"I'm guessing it was smoking. It was coming off the grill. It was gone, by the time we got there," Courtwright explained.

Local authorities are saying that Owings admitted to responding officers that he had thrown the brisket after losing his temper, but that that he "didn't mean for anyone to get hurt." He has since been charged with second-degree wanton endangerment and was held at the Boyle County jail. One can only wonder how many previous jailings in Boyle County can be attributed to assault via smoked meat.

Maybe Owings was just challenging the victim to the field of honor and couldn't find a glove lying around to throw, per the Irish Code Duello.

Who can say for sure? But one thing is painfully clear: Getting hit in the head with a brisket probably hurts like shit—and there is absolutely nothing that can be done to bring back that poor brisket.