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Australia's Worst Booze Ad Was Written by a 12-Year-Old

Every year, Australia’s Alcohol Advertising Review Board chooses the single worst alcohol ad in the country, and this year's "winner" is a real doozy.
Photo via Flickr user Dan Foy

Every year, Australia's Alcohol Advertising Review Board (AARB) chooses the single worst alcohol ad in the country. This year's "winner" was chosen by a panel from a shortlist of 14 booze ads. It's actually a customer review from a massive alcohol supermarket chain, and it's a real doozy.

According to an annual report released by the AARB and presented to Australian Parliament, this year's recipient was the product review of a two-liter box (obviously) of mango, pineapple, and passion fruit-infused vodka available on booze giant Dan Murphy's website.

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"Had a sip on my 12th birthday, went off my head gr8 flava wud recemend, gud value fo mone," the review reads. The discerning consumer then goes on to give Vodka Cruiser Pineapple Passion Punch a five-star overall rating, as well as 5/5 for "Enjoyment" and "Value for Money."

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Whether or not the review was actually penned by a 12-year-old, or if a product review can be considered an ad, is apparently a secondary concern. The real issue is that the review, which could have also been a contender in a "most poorly written" category, stayed on the website for months, despite numerous objections.

Dan Murphy's eventually removed the review but not before but not before being spotted by a user who made a formal complaint that drew the ire of the AARB.

The Review Board eventually ruled that allowing the review to stay on the site for so long was a clear violation of its Code and demonstrated a total lack of "responsibility to society, […] on the basis that the advertisement would have strong appeal to young people." They also found that posting an online product review by a 12-year-old "associates the product with young people."

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The Alcohol Advertising Review Board is part of a larger initiative committed to "reducing alcohol-related harm" and "raising awareness of the magnitude of alcohol‐related harms among young people." And while targeting a consumer review by an alleged 12-year-old may seem a bit alarmist on the part of the AARP, alcopops like Vodka Cruiser's Pineapple Passion Punch are a real issue in Australia.

An "alcopop" is an alcoholic beverage pumped with sugar and fruit flavouring to make it taste like pop. Masking the taste of the alcohol makes it dangerously appealing to teens who are beginning to experiment with booze but haven't quite developed a palate for the gasoline flavour of whiskey or the skunky notes of beer. The Pineapple Passion Punch description in question promises that buyers will "embrace the feeling of summer", that it's "not the Bahamas but it's as close as you will get!" and "the perfect drink to share with your friends."

These types of drinks are so popular in Australia that a recent tax on the alcopop products managed to raise $4.5 billion (USD $3.2 billion) while failing to deter binge-drinking among teens and alcohol-related injuries.

Other runner-ups for worst ad included a Coopers beer poster on a bus stop outside of a school, a Coors ad claiming that "It's a scientific fact that a man with a Coors in his hand is 85 per cent more attractive," and Smirnoff's Instagram account.