Cheese Is a Great Excuse to Get Drunk

You know what goes great together? Well, not just Kanye and Kim (because who the hell else in this world deserves all that self-centered crazy), or fancy houses and the feeling of rolling hard on MDMA, or Burning Man and the far-away desert.

All of those are great pairings, but what is an even better combo than all that? Cheese and booze. That's right; the two were basically made for each other. On one hand, you have the fermentation of milk into solid form that varies from supple and mellow all the way to the aged-out, brittle, acidic, bitey stuff. And on the liquid side, you have fermented ___. (Fill in the blank: grain, apples, grapes, potato, etc.)

So these two star-crossed lovers of basically controlled rot are, like, the symbiotic harmony of the food world. So, what are some great pairings? And why do they go so well together, besides what we have just covered with the whole fermentation thing? Great questions—glad you are following.

Cheese has been around forever, like literally. And guess what, so has booze. True story, ask Google. Some of the all-star pairings out there are as follows.

For a bloomy, milky, creamy cheese, try munching a piece while sipping on a sweet and robust farmhouse ale, or a smooth and fruity Pinot, or—to really class up the joint—something sparkly like a cava.

Feel like really getting hammered? Bloomy rinded cheeses (think triple crème bries) love a swig of a smooth vodka (think Barr Hill), something on the honeysuckle side and not the nail polish remover side.

For a washed rind cheese, say an Alsatian Munster or Belgium's famed Charmoix, guzzle a Trappist-style ale, something with a funk of its own and a hint of rotten fruit. If you're more in the wine mood, pair these stinkers with some biodynamic rosé, something that has a little effervescence to it with a hint of manure and rose petal. Trust me. And if you feel a bit like getting wasted, pair with a nice robust rye whiskey, something that will bring out the sweetness in the funkiness.

For a firm cheese that has a bit of a floral hint, like a Pyrenees sheep or a Piedmonty cow, these cheeses love a hoppy IPA to really bring out that hint of grass that hides in there. They're also pretty versatile when it comes to wines, so anything starting in a C should treat you right: Chardonnay, Cabernet, Carlo Rossi—you get the point. And just like wine, they love most liquor (we have that in common) but an herbaceous gin (Junipero will do you right) will really trick out your taste buds and bring out all kinds of subtle flavors in the cheese.

Blues classically love Port. They do. It's just what they love, but some of the creamier brethren love a good Champagne, or the less-bougie prosecco.

So, the moral of the story is you should really drink a lot of different things, all with booze in them, when eating cheese. Only you will learn what pairings you like, and really, even if some are waaay off, you will still get your buzz on.