Listen Out for Squeaking Cauliflower This Weekend

In case you hadn't noticed the disposable barbecues and bottles of novelty flavoured cider encroaching any vaguely green public space of late, we're almost in July's sweaty clutches: summer is officially upon us.

If you were secretly hoping for a weekend of Netflix-justifying drizzle to escape the summertime vibez, you're not the only one. Vegetables feel your pain. So much, in fact, that some have started voicing it out loud.

According to a farmer in Cornwall, this weekend will be witness to the loudest "cauliflower creak" in Britain for 24 years. The distinctive squeaking noise is caused when the vegetable grows at a sudden rate, forcing its florets to push against one another. Think of it as the brassica version of summer thigh chafing.

Due to a sudden increase in night temperatures forecast for this weekend, cauliflowers are expected to grow by three centimetres a day—an amount that would have anyone squeaking. Speaking to The Daily Mail, David Simmons from Cornwall growers Riviera Produce explained that the creak is best heard during early morning hours when there is little background noise.

"You can hear the actual crops growing," he said. "It's a bit like Rice Krispies in a bowl. You pour milk in, hear it popping. It's that sort of noise, when it's very still in the morning."

Cauliflower isn't the only vegetable to emit noises as it grows. The torturous-sounding growing method of "forcing" rhubarb involves placing partially developed plants in darkened buildings, causing them to develop so rapidly that they pop and squeak.

The image of rows of cauliflower squeaking with exertion as they expand, Hulk-like out of their leaves may not be an appetising one, but Simmons also notes that the vegetables rapid growth will also lead to a better taste.

"It'll result in the sweetest tasting cauliflowers for quarter of a century," he said. "So if you haven't tried the vegetable yet, this is the crop to go for."

Screw summer. Claim solidarity with agonised vegetables everywhere this weekend and stay indoors with bowl of roasted cauliflower salad.