Sweet, Tasty Antifreeze Could Soon Be Safe for Children to Drink

If you're the kind of person who religiously watches true crime series (we'll talk about The Jinx finale later), you may have heard that antifreeze is a super fun 'n' easy way to poison people if you can trick them into randomly drinking large quantities of a fluorescent green or yellow liquid that smells approximately like Gatorade. (Note: MUNCHIES does not advocate poisoning people.)

But ethylene glycol, the chemical most commonly found in automotive antifreeze and de-icing solutions, is also the culprit for many, many accidental poisonings (tens of thousands, actually) in both humans and pets every year. Not only does it keep your internal organs from solidifying into blocks of ice, it also tends to shut them down in the process. I.e., death. And it's just the kind of thing that young children and puppies love to lap up mindlessly—sweet, brightly colored, and generally found around most households—unfortunately without the giant skull and crossbones on its label that cartoons once taught us would indicate any and all poisons.

That's why the food industry has used propylene glycol, a nontoxic substance that's also one half of the fluid in your vape pen, as an antifreeze for some food service machinery, and as an ingredient in certain ice creams, sodas, coffee, e-cigarettes, and pharmaceuticals. Until recently, its consistency has been considered too thick for it to be used for automotive applications, but a 2012 grant from the Environmental Protection Agency allowed researchers to buckle down and figure out how to make antifreeze drinkable, dammit!

The new product is thinned through the addition of metal oxide powder, but is still colorless, slightly sticky, and a little bit sweet—making it maybe a little less visually appealing than its showy toxic counterpart, but certainly safer. And another plus: it will be more efficient and more economical to dispose of, due to its nontoxic status.

So the real question is, "When are we mixing up a batch of antifreeze margaritas, eh?"

At an American Chemical Society press conference that took place yesterday, representatives from ACTA Technology told attendees that they are hoping to have the food industry using their new, fancy, extra-smooth, decidedly-not-poisonous antifreeze by next year. As for when it will make its way into the dusty corner of your garage or under your basement cabinet—well, that's a little trickier. The process of swapping out giant jugs of poison from millions of households in America will take a little longer.

So keep your antifreeze locked away for now—but keep the margarita machine on stand-by.