This Week in Food Porn: Oysters, Dutch Pancakes, and Super Mario Mushrooms

Can't get out of bed in the morning? Try breakfast. Feeling a little flat in the middle of the day? Give lunch a go. Got no reason to head home after dark? Hey, have you considered dinner? Because this is the truly wonderful thing about life—you literally have to keep eating. All the time. Every day. Stop eating for too long and your body will not only go rogue but, given time, will simply switch itself off like a 2004-era iPod.

But of course, a thing worth doing is worth doing publicly and lo, food porn was born. Millions of sticky, garlic-smelling, sugar-coated thumbs across the world busily photographing, captioning, and uploading the greatest food modern life has to offer.

Of course, you're too busy finding the cure to cancer and reading about astro-physics to possibly catch them all but, please, don't give it a thought. Because here is This Week in Food Porn, MUNCHIES' guide to the most delicious pics posted to Instagram in the past seven days.

Guten Morgen liebe #fitfam #yay endlich ist #friyay Heute knapp 5 Std arbeiten und dann ist Wochenende. habt ihr was tolles geplant oder macht ihr #chillimilli zu hause auf der Couch? Zum Frühstück gibt's bei mir jetzt Porridge mit Joghurt, Obst und Kleinkram drauf sehr lecker #yummyyummyyummyigotloveinmytummy #healthy #healthyfood #fit #fitness #fitnessaddict #fitfür2016 #gym #abnehmen #abnehmen2015 #weightloss #weightlossjourney #wir2punkt0 #motivation #noexcuses #liftitorleaveit #girlwholift #porridge #abgerechnetwirdamstrand #instafit #instafood

A photo posted by Lisa (@li.sa_2.0) on Oct 8, 2015 at 10:38pm PDT

Well Guten Morgan indeed. It may be that I'm writing this overlooking a Scottish fishing harbour, beside an AGA, with the sweet smell of softly cooking oats tickling my nostrils but let's be honest here—porridge is the fucking best. Even if you do go a little crazy and appear to smother it with a Dijon mustard dressing at the last minute.

Native beauties! Judging the #shuck off for @newmanstreettavern with @chrisgalvin8 @joehurd5 #shucking #shuckoff for @acf_uk A photo posted by Rosie Birkett (@rosiefoodie) on Oct 8, 2015 at 12:03pm PDT

Have you ever actually Google image searched "cervix"? Because you should. You should do that thing.

Butter garlic shrimps!! #amazing #delish #shrimp #shrimps #shrimpscampi #homecooking #sautéed #garlic #butter #foodphotography #truecooks #tasty #favorite #seafood #foodnation #foodnetwork #foodnetworkstar #foodnetworkfaves #tagsforlikes #sophavykitchen #instadaily #vscocam #vscofood #foodpic #foodgasm #foodlovers #foodporn !!!

A photo posted by Sophavy (@khmerfoodie_mb) on Oct 8, 2015 at 3:38pm PDT

Let's just stop for a second and think about this. What thought process went into "finishing" this dish? Hmm, these prawns certainly do look succulent but, I don't know, I feel they're just missing something. Coriander? No, it can't be that. I've added that. Some salt and pepper? No. That's on there too. Oh, hold on! I've got it—butter. We need butter. I tell you what, I'll just place this iPhone-sized square of butter on top like a salt dairy wimple. There it is. Nailed it. Nailed it shut.

Here's an idea for tomorrow's roast! For extra flavour, toss your veg in chicken or duck fat before roasting, then top them with a bright, lemony mix of parsley and minced garlic. It's a rainbow on a tray! #TheArtOfEatingWell #SundayRoast A photo posted by Hemsley Sisters (@hemsleyhemsley) on Oct 3, 2015 at 8:03am PDT

You know those amazing pictures of sand grains taken under a microscope the size of Croydon? The ones that make the merest thimble-full of beachcomb look like an entire cosmos? Well, this is like that but for vegetable fans. A breath taking glimpse at all the beauty in the universe, held in the palms of your hand. Or, you know, a roasting tray.

Dutch Baby from #SimplyNigella 2 DAYS TO GO!! Photograph by @nordljus Published by @chattobooks

A photo posted by Nigella (@nigellalawson) on Oct 6, 2015 at 1:06am PDT

What even is the street value of a gram of Amsterdam cocaine these days?

|COSTILLA A LA LLANERA| Whole #beef Rib will be cooking for 6 hrs over Red gum wood and Charcoal. Sunday 18th of October @piqueos #fusa #colombia #llanera #asado #southamerica #tradition #chef #cheflife #passion #food #foodie #foodgasm #foodpics #foodporn #gastronomia #gastronomy #carlton #melbourne #melbournechef #melbournechef #melbournefoodie #instachef #instafood #instagood #me A photo posted by juan berbeo (@chefjuanitoberbeo) on Oct 8, 2015 at 11:24pm PDT

I'm just a guy, standing in front of a girl, asking her to climb aboard a giant, fat-scored, Roman scutum shield of beef.

I hiked into a beautiful forest today in the Mt Adams Wilderness. Hardwood, conifers, vine maples, bear grass and ferns together. Fog also blew it's way through the trees. A dozen Elk trails weaved in and out and I followed back and around for a short exploration before heading back to my car. I was caught off guard as I headed back, I wasn't sure which way to go. Heading slightly uphill my entire being felt sick, this was the wrong way. It was a strange sensation, what I was seeing visually wasn't matching with what my sense of direction was telling me physically, mentally. Time to turn around and retrace my steps-unfortuantly that wasn't an option, I couldn't even tell where I had walked from. I've hiked off trail by myself since I was kid, how was this possible, thick forest and heavy fog, I felt dizzy trying to concentrate on direction. I had a gps in my backpack, one waypoint was two miles from where I had parked on another road, that would get me to a road! No, I left that gps in the car…I brought a different one to mark my new locations on. But-I could mark where I was standing, attempt to go a direction and if that failed, come back to the same spot and try another route. I turned it on, but the cloud coverage and fog wouldn't allow the gps to connect to enough satellites. I cautiously walked for 45 minutes waiting for a connection, none. Cell phone-no service. I sat down, took some deep breaths, prayed and cried, thankful I had my backpack of supplies. I marked my steps with branches and mushrooms, I had some orange marker tape but not much. If anything, my brother had an idea of where I was and he'd likely find my car. Eventually I heard the faint sound of gravel, it came from a direction I never would have gone, down a steep hill thick with brush. I knew I didn't come from that way, but that's where I was going. After a long descent, I found a road, but had no idea which direction to walk-I chose correctly and after a mile came to the dirt road I had parked on. You can always be prepared, but you never know what the day will bring. Though it was only a few hours, I'm completely exhausted-but overwhelmed with relief to be home!

A photo posted by yellowelanor (@yellowelanor) on Oct 7, 2015 at 6:20pm PDT

You know what, bugger this. I want to hike for six hours across the winding elk trails of rural Canada until I find a Super Mario reward too.

Grass….You bet she likes it! Fall grazing at its best: blue skies, no bugs, highly palatable rye A photo posted by @pigasusmeats on Oct 8, 2015 at 3:53pm PDT

Remember the 1986 action classic Cobra? With Sylvester Stallone chewing on a toothpick as he tries to battle with the elite force of the LA police department? Can you imagine how much better the film would have been if the role of Marion Cobretti had been played by a near-spherical, ginger-eye lashed, side-smiling porcine?

our favourite is back on the menu from tomorrow's brunch @raw_duck. Autumn is here and it's time for Cavolo and ricotta broken eggs.. One of our best sellers… See you tomorrow?. #eggs #brunch

A photo posted by Rawduck Hackney (@raw_duck) on Oct 2, 2015 at 3:23am PDT

Sometimes brunch is simply, a pan full of ricotta-broken promises, ladled into your face with a pair of sourdough paddles.

#lionsmane #hericium #shroomatnoon #lifeofaforester #tughill #treefarm #forage #foraging #forester #wildcraft A photo posted by @woodwiseland on Oct 8, 2015 at 3:05pm PDT

I ain't afraid of no ghosts.