Win This Random Alabama Couple’s Goat Cheese Farm Because Why Not

Do you like goat cheese? Do you really like goat cheese? Do you want to quit whatever dead-end job you're currently procrastinating at while you read this and devote your very existence to caring for 56 goats in Alabama and eating all of the creamy, tangy chèvre you can possibly stomach? Well, we have some great news.

According to the UK's Daily Mail, Elkmont, Alabama couple Paul and Leslie Spell are ready to move to Costa Rica and begin anew with missionaries (and goats) there. As a result, they need to unload their goat cheese creamery, Humble Heart Farms, which is valued at $350,000 and teeming with adorable little white goats that will undoubtedly gnaw on your sweater sleeve and enrich your life with their crazy antics. And you could be the very recipient of their operation.

All you need to do is write an essay detailing why you are the perfect person to run a goat farm and cheese-making operation in Alabama, fork over the $150 entry fee, and the farm could be all yours—goats and all.

But wait—there's more to the giveaway than just an endless supply of cheese for stuffing bacon-wrapped dates with. Paul tells AL.com all about the full package: "The winner will receive a debt free house and farm on 20 acres, dairy- and cheese-making building with animals and equipment along with recipes and training. The winner will also receive $20,000 in operating expenses, enough to continue running a profitable goat dairy and cheese-making operation." They're also throwing in the resident farm dog, for good measure (it's a very majestic Great Pyrenees).

And there are a couple of caveats. The essay should not exceed 200 words (does that mean that this article is disqualified as an entry?) and must be typed on a single piece of 8 ½ by 11 inch piece of white paper, in Times New Roman, Arial, or Garamond. (Comic Sans lovers, scram.) Plus, a minimum of 2,500 people need to apply in order for the contest to be a go, as the entry fees will cover some of the associated costs of the farm ownership changeover.

And here's the best part: you don't need to know how to run a goat farm, or take care of goats, or make cheese. They'll teach you! But you'd better think like a Damn Yankee, because there is one other requirement—you've got to have heart.

Well, internet, take it away. And Paul and Leslie, if you're reading this, consider it my official entry.