The Final Word On..."Blurred Lines" Parodies

The final word is a new series in which we take one last look at an already ubiquitous issue before declaring a moratorium on the subject and never writing about it again. First up: "Blurred Lines" parodies.

Here it is world! The most accomplished "Blurred Lines" cover to date. Because why go to your GP for a diagnosis of histrionic personality disorder when you can just announce it via the medium of a parody video thinly veiled as an #edgy and #subversive anti-rape anthem. Yay, #feminism!

The talent's name is Ros Peters and she's the sort that would cheerfully bully me into doing a "musical comedy" duet about tampons. The kind of bubbly Sylvia Young grad that can sing a bit but you wouldn't know 'cos she only ironically bursts into snippets of Glee EVERY FUCKING WAKING MOMENT. The kind of person you can't make deeply personal attacks on because their am-dram training stretches juuuuust far enough that they've nailed a public veneer of humility and adorable self-deprecation.

I get that the original Blurred Lines video is a cuntgasm of misogyny and that the lyrics have become a bill or rights for the kind of creeps that take an accidental brush-past in a club as carte blanche to rub their cock into the small of your back. But I get that because I have eyes and ears, why would that make me want to go out and make a parody video? Especially after about fifty other parody videos.

Let's take a look at some of the stand out #hashtag #moments to illustrate why this is soooo important to the plight of women across the world and not just a desperate ploy for #glory :)

#ECLAIR

You can look at this two ways. Either the eclair is a SUPER smart jab at a #patriarchy which forces women to eat dust and quinoa in order to keep their slammin' figures. Or she's just being #kooky and including a #random object for a cheap LOL. IDK, it's a toughie.

Sit down, overeating for attention is my bag, there's no more room for you.

#THERESAGOODCHAP

An amazeballs move to fit "chap" in there, subtly getting a LOL from the faux self-effacing Keep Calm and Drink Gin cunt brigade. I can already hear the keyboard taps of every hateful fuck-boy drafting a carefully innocuous "loved it, keep doing your thing :)" Tweet with one hand, while having a hate-tug with the other. Teehee! You guys are so #cute and #awkward!

#NICETRYMATE

Am I the only one that can imagine her frothing at the mouth while completely alone, guffawing at her own edits on iMovie?

#SELFESTEEM

Dear David Cameron,

I'm down with your ban on grot if you banish pleas for viral fame disguised as social commentary too.

#LIBERATION

When Robin Thicke used this hashtag I didn't eye-roll 'cos I already know he's a thumb-faced cunt that needed a shock tactic music video to claw his way out of an eternity of being a budget version of Jordan Knight. But when Ros uses it I want to forfeit my womb for a Toffee Crisp and call it a day.

Welp, there you go. While this tots up views I'm going to park a sunlounger by Harrow underpass and wait for the apocalypse to arrive.