Vibe Rater: A Vibrator Named Tim

Is there any object more aligned with 20th-century feminism than a sleek, baby-pink vibrator? Probably, yes. But it’s certainly one of the core pieces of iconography associated with the “modern woman.” And in this edition of Vibe Rater, I was looking to find the perfect one for me.  

Seeking out a new slippery friend would be far from my first rodeo when it came to sex toys, but high-end products haven’t exactly been my bread and butter. 

During my university years, I attained a vibrator with a free voucher from a 50 Shades Of Grey screening. I was 19 and it was the first time I’d ever been to a sex shop with serious ambition. Voucher in hand, I flapped about awkwardly until plucking up the courage to ask for my free vibrator. It was about five cm long and one cm wide, with a one-off battery. I used that thing to death.  

Since then I’ve owned many dinky vibrators of similar size and quality – almost all of them pink because I am a feminist (a facetious one at that) – but I’d never ventured into the world of more costly vibration. Why spend $250 on an aquamarine butterfly or rabbit when a $10 severed finger would do? I figured it was time to see what the fuss was about and get my hands on a more legitimate vibrator.

My new burning desire (if it itches, get that checked) brought me to Pōneke’s Cuba Street staple, Peaches & Cream. I have a strange affinity for this shop. It’s weirdly spacious and feels rather bare, despite being stacked with every imaginable piece of sex paraphernalia. To me, places like P&C have the same transient quality as an airport or a supermarket in the middle of the night. There’s something intangible going on as you drift around from handcuffs to sounding rods; something that makes you feel disconnected from reality. 

To make my selection I had some specific parameters to abide by; I was looking for a vibrator that was on the bigger side, useable inside and outside the body and wasn’t shaped like a woodland creature. Oh, and I had to like the colour. If anyone should ever stumble upon my draw of nicknacks, I’d hate for them to think I have no taste. Black or a nice pastél would do it. 

I was in luck. Calling to me from the aisles was a boxed vibrator with the name Tim slapped on the front in a font that screamed “Graphic design is my passion.”  At $109.99 this was a decent step up from any of the previous purchases, but having promised to myself that I was going to do this properly I sucked up the cost, snatched him up and took him home. Tim wasn’t cheap, but he was mine. 

Finally, it was time to explore all of the wonders of an upper-class dildo. 

Check out the video below for the full vibe-rating: