For Me, Sex Is Wet in All the Wrong Ways

For most people, sweat is a minor inconvenience at worst—just something to keep out of their eyes when they work out, wipe off their hands when they’re nervous, or account for when it’s hot out. But for the up to 3 percent of people with some form of hyperhidrosis, a condition that causes seriously excessive sweating even when they aren’t hot, anxious, or exerting themselves, dealing with sweat can be a serious challenge that influences most aspects of their lives—including sex.

There are two types. “Primary hyperhidrosis” is a lifelong, likely genetic condition that usually emerges in childhood. Every case is unique, but it often causes intermittent sweating in the hands, feet, armpits, and/or face—although it can also affect other body parts, like the groin, and in rare cases causes continuous sweating. “Secondary hyperhidrosis” describes often full-body sweating, usually at its worst during sleep, that actually stems from another condition or a medication side effect. If doctors can't find and address an underlying cause for someone's excessive sweating, they turn to an arsenal of treatments that can reign in symptoms. But these don't always work, aren't accessible to everyone, and in some cases cause serious side effects all their own. So, many just live with the sweat, managing their symptoms through lifestyle changes.  

The effects of hyperhidrosis on people’s lives are as varied as the condition itself. Milder cases may be fairly easy to manage, only causing the occasional embarrassing public pit stain or clammy handshake. Severe cases may make it hard to hold a pen or grip a steering wheel. “I sweat in the shower,” Shameka, a patient advocate who’s lived with hyperhidrosis since her youth, told VICE. “I basically have to pack a weekender backpack whenever I leave the house,” stocked with wipes, deodorant, and spare clothes. Recent studies suggest that the vast majority of people with hyperhidrosis feel it takes a serious toll on their lives—especially their social lives: their comfort at business events or parties. Their confidence while dating or forming relationships. And their ability to find partners, have sex, and enjoy the experience. 

Lifestyle publications often insist sweaty sex is hot—it’s raw and primal. A couple of people with hyperhidrosis told VICE they broadly agree: Their partners find their sweat sexy, and they or someone else have used it as lube for hand stuff. But heavy sweating makes many with hyperhidrosis feel sticky or gross. Self-consciousness about this—or how a partner might view them—can take folks out of the moment. Some avoid certain positions or acts like cuddling because sweat makes things too slippery, or because they don’t want to let a partner feel how clammy or drippy they are. Many say they only feel fully comfortable having sex when they can control when and how it happens—right after a shower, for example, or with a fan pointing at them, or while partially clothed to wick away or absorb their sweat. Some avoid sex altogether because they find these challenges too daunting. 

Questions about sex come up frequently on hyperhidrosis forums, like the subreddit r/Hyperhidrosis. Yet while organizations like the International Hyperhidrosis Society have made strides in improving public and medical knowledge of the condition and centralizing resources, a dearth of dedicated research and taboos surrounding open talk about sex and intimacy mean guidance on navigating sex alongside hyperhidrosis is still hard to come by. Personal accounts of people’s experiences in this realm are harder still to find. “I wish more people would talk about it,” says Shameka, the patient advocate. 

To help address this gap, VICE reached out to Maria Thomas, the author of the well-known blog My Life As A Puddle, in which she and guest writers discuss every aspect of life with hyperhidrosis, to hear about how she experiences—and manages—sex with the condition.

This interview has been edited for length and clarity. 

VICE: Even if it was before you knew the term “hyperhidrosis,” when did you first notice your hyperhidrosis symptoms? And what were they like for you?
Maria Thomas: When I was about 7 years old. I went to a private Catholic school and I remember always wiping my sweaty hands on my uniform. Slipping-sliding around if I wore sandals. When I was around 12, I finally asked my mom, “What’s wrong with me?” She took me to the doctor, and they prescribed a prescription-strength antiperspirant and told me to apply it to my hands and feet every night and wrap them in saran wrap. But they never said the word “hyperhidrosis.” When I was in college, I started doing my own research. I found the term hyperhidrosis and did a deep dive into the research around it. About 10 years later, I launched My Life As A Puddle.

When did you first think about what your excessive sweating might mean for relationships, for intimacy, or for sex?
In fifth grade, I remember going to see the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles movie with a guy and telling him on the phone, “If you try to hold my hand, it’s going to be sweaty, but that doesn’t mean I don’t want to hold your hand.” I was afraid that guys wouldn’t be able to get a good grip on my hand. That it’d feel gross to them. That they would be disgusted when I was already kind of disgusted with my own body. He was like, “Oh, OK. Cool.” And I don’t even remember if we held hands in the theater or not. It was in high school that I thought about these things a lot more. I just always tried to give people I was interested in the disclaimer, “This is me. This is how my body is. I can’t help it but it doesn’t mean that I don’t want to be physical.”

 I first had sex in high school—much to my parents’ chagrin. [Laughs.] It was awkward because you’re automatically awkward when you’re a teenager. You don’t know what you’re doing. But I remember it was a cooler evening and that helped me sweat less, so I was less worried about it in that sense. The thing that helps me most is airflow. If I can feel air moving across my body, it helps to reduce my sweating. But that’s about all I can remember about that first experience.

Once sex was on the table, how did you think about its intersection with hyperhidrosis?
I was still young and maturing and not having complete thought patterns around my medical condition. So I thought about sex less in terms of hyperhidrosis early on. I thought about it more the older I got, and the more scenarios I was placed in that would trigger my hyperhidrosis. 

In foreplay scenarios, I would worry about it more. I felt more confident approaching sexuality and intimacy clothed because I could still hide my sweaty underarms and wipe my hands on my pants—that kind of thing. And when the clothes did come off, I preferred to be on the bottom, because there was less touching and it was easier to lay there than to hold certain positions.

As I got older, I started trying to control my environment more: Having a ceiling fan on. Using towels underneath me on the bed. Depending on if I was comfortable with the partner I was with at the time, saying, “Hey, I need to wear socks when we’re intimate because my feet sweat so much.” Little things like that. I feel like I always have my sweaty little tool bag with me, whether it’s a physical bag or a list in my head. I always have backup clothes to change into if I get too sweaty and hand towels in my purse. I try to have a battery-operated fan, too, so if I’m, not in a bedroom situation when something sexual happens then I can still have airflow on me.

When you talk about airflow, the obvious question I have to ask is, how do you do summer?
Summer sucks. For sure. [Laughs.] The air conditioning is definitely cranked up, the fans are on full blast, and sometimes I won’t remove all of my clothing. I’ll have a cotton tank top or a sports bra on that can help me absorb the sweat and reduce some friction when things get going.

Were these accommodations you came up with intentionally? Or unconscious adjustments?
I would say it was more unconscious for me.

You mentioned feeling self-conscious when you first thought about intimacy. How did that affect you throughout your life?
It definitely diminishes your confidence because you’re worried about what your partner’s going to think. What they’re going to literally feel rubbing up against your body. How you’re going to smell, because some types of sweat smell. Are you being intimate at the start of the day when you’ve just had a shower or at the end of the day when you’ve been to work and you’re sweaty?

Has anyone ever had a negative reaction to your sweat in a sexual context? 
No, because I do a good job vetting partners. I was always in a serious, committed, monogamous relationship when I had sexual relations with other people. So that wasn’t a concern.

How have you decided, throughout your life, when and how to talk about hyperhidrosis—and the ways it intersects with sex—with your partners?
I try to give the disclaimer as soon as I can—before we’re even intimate—because it takes the pressure off of me and, therefore, off of the entire intimate relationship.

Have your partners ever taken proactive steps to adjust for hyperhidrosis in your sex life?
They’ve just tried to understand the condition and the stigmas that go along with it—being good partners in the sense that they’re communicating, listening, and not forming judgments. I’ve had partners say, “What can I do to make things easier for you? How can I help, versus you just bringing in the things you need?” That’s been helpful too. They do things like, if they know I’m coming over, then making sure their bedroom is cool and they’ve got a fan and extra towels.

How have you grappled with the self-esteem issues you mentioned throughout your life?
My self-dialogue started out very negative. It was definitely a bit of a mind scramble to start thinking about being intimate with someone with this horrible, sweaty body. I was ashamed. I was embarrassed. I was nervous. I had anxiety. But the more I talked about it openly, I started finding that we’re all more alike than we’re not alike. It just takes one person to have the courage to speak up about what they’re facing for the other person to say, “You too? I thought I was the only one [dealing with something].” Intimacy requires authenticity. So you have to be willing to put yourself out there—not just physically but also first emotionally and mentally—in order to get to that physical point and to have a better physical connection when it does finally happen.

What is your current situation, as far as your hyperhidrosis treatment and symptoms go?
I’ve tried just about every treatment there is—except for ETS surgery, which I won’t do because the side effects can be devastating. Now, I’m not seeking treatment. I’m actually trying to use products that are all-natural. I went through thyroid cancer treatment about a year and a half ago, so I’m trying to remove as many chemicals as I can from my life. I don’t know how many bottles of deodorant I’ve bought in the last year. I’m still trying to find one that actually works for me.

What are some of the things you’re still trying to figure out about hyperhidrosis and sex?
How my condition can actually help me in the bedroom. That may sound strange. How can sweat help you? But, to be blunt, it can come in handy if you’re practicing oral sex on a partner—stuff like that. If you change the way you look at things, the things you look at will change.

Is that a recent reorientation?
Yeah, over the last several years. I’m not sure what led to it. I had a baby and thyroid cancer and treatment for that. Those things kind of reorient you, your priorities, what matters and what doesn’t. And in the long run, the intersection of hyperhidrosis and sex doesn’t matter. If you have hyperhidrosis and can’t control the symptoms, then make it work to your advantage instead.