Composite by VICE Staff
You know what will massively deflate your game? Pulling a condom out of a bag that looks like it was trampled by raccoons. Not that we blame you; we’re stoked that you’re prioritizing safe sex by sliding some luxury Swedish condoms in those Levi’s. But there has to be a better way to carry around condoms without compromising their structural integrity, or getting them covered in errant tote bag dust (the worst) and pocket lint. That’s where condom carrying cases come in. That’s right, champ. They make everyday carry cases—purses, murses, call them whatever you like— specifically for condoms, so that you can live your life knowing that even your protection is protected (#meta) with a sturdy carrying case, or a velvet pouch that lets everyone know you’re a bisexual Pagan who’s really good at making out. One day, we’ll carry a knapsack filled with rubbers over our shoulder everywhere we go like cottagecore kings, but until then, here are some of the best condom carrying cases to keep your Trojans untarnished until they’re really ready to get into the horse (if you get our drift). This faux leather condom case comes in black and brown colorways, holds up to three condoms, and has earned a 4.3-star average rating on Amazon from satisfied reviewers. As one fan writes, “I wish I had one of these in college. So many times after going to a bar or club I pulled a condom out of my wallet that looked beat to hell from walking around with it all evening.” We can picture the evening perfectly: You and your date have finished an excellent film, downed a few glasses of lambrusco, and inched so close together at the dive bar that you can see your reflection in one another’s veneers. The only thing left to do now is have sex in a dive bar whip out this Pokémon-themed condom case, and whisper, “I choose you.” … Y’all are probably going to smash after making out at a MoMA Ps1 exhibit, which means you deserve a postmodern, Cocaine Decor-style carrying case that doubles as a mirror. This handy condom box comes in two styles, which we’ll call Blade Runner (the silver) and BB Girl (the leopard). As one Amazon reviewer writes, “Simply elegant. Perfect size, sturdy construction and stylish, too.”As a general rule, we’re trying to invest in accessories made out of high-quality materials that are going to last. This Italian leather carrying case comes in black and brown, and is built to go the extra mile (so you can too). Plus, it ships for free in the United States. Traveling with sex toys? Cop a condom case that’s big enough to hold your vibrator’s charging cable, some Altoids, a passport-sized picture of Helen Mirren, and a generous handful of condoms. You’ll be glad you did. Let these redefine the idea of “keeping that MF thing on you.”
The Rec Room staff independently selected all of the stuff featured in this story. Want more reviews, recommendations, and red-hot deals?Sign up for our newsletter.
Advertisement
“I wish I had one of these in college”
Your safe word is Charizard
Advertisement
The postmodern carrying case
A full-grain Italian leather case
You roll a dozen condoms deep
The Rec Room staff independently selected all of the stuff featured in this story. Want more reviews, recommendations, and red-hot deals?Sign up for our newsletter.