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Colin Craig, Conservative Party Leader
New Zealand
First of all, no one really cares about other people's dreams. They're boring as fuck. How does one respond to this? "Oh cool, glad to hear it!" "Dreams huh? Have a great day!" There's no sexy reply here—you've backed her into a corner.Secondly, and maybe this is just me, but the whole "between naked legs" thing just conjures up images of painful childbirth—something that's less of a stretch for Craig, who shouldn't be sexting anything with a Labour connotation."I slept well because I dreamed that I was between your naked legs"
Talking about marriage, sexting while married does absolutely nothing to get anybody hot and bothered. Also THERE AREN'T TWO OF YOU COLIN. Get out of here with your preposterous, physically impossible proposals.Verdict: Totally sub-par sauciness, some points for incorporating the word "naked."3/10"If I there were two of me, I would marry you."
Peter Dowling, Liberal National Party MP
Australia
Have you ever spilt red wine on yourself? The way the fruity stickiness clings to your skin, how easily it stains your lips. Now imagine dipping your manhood in it. Imagine the smell, the splash, the maroony-purple colour. Peter, you're literally begging to become a meme: "Cocktail taken to the next level, fam [multiple crying laughing face emojis]."[There are no text quotes, Dowling literally just sent a picture of his penis in a glass red wine]
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Anthony Weiner, former Congressman
USA
It's clear from this message (accompanied, of course, by a dick pic) that Anthony Weiner obviously very much rates his… weiner… but as any woman could've told you congressman, penis-eye interaction has very little appeal. At best, it incites an involuntary cringe.Look, Weiner is obviously trying to appeal to the millennials, with the #hashtag and everything but, honestly dude, the un-ironic use shows a clear lack of cool."Id [sic] put someone's eye out with this thing. #Overdue."
While he may have started off on bad note, Weiner is coming in hot with the banter here. I like the "asking for a friend" because it is obviously not true as Weiner is clearly asking for himself and that is funny and funny is SEXY. However, backing away from the joke, using the word "fib" loses points."Sleeping alone? Asking for a friend? That was a fib."
Horny is just the grossest word. Ever. Guys, please don't use it."I did not sleep well . . . Horny as f–k."
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Stephen Crabb, Work and Pensions Secretary
UK
This is good stuff, Steve! Clear, to the point, kinda normal but with a whole lot of R-rated implication without being overly explicit. I'll take it. Do I want to reply immediately? Possibly. Do I want to send a sexy pic in response? Not really. Work a little bit harder, Steve, there's always room for improvement.[Crabb tells a woman he wants to kiss her] "everywhere."
Now this is a very Liam Neeson-esque monologue and we all know that Liam makes for a sexy father figures. The "u" suggests he's down with the youth of today. He doesn't need proper grammar because he's easy breezy like that. He's fun and he doesn't waste any time. Nice.I'm also a fan of the ellipses, used occasionally… It's sinister, mysterious, and somehow makes me feel like time is running out. Including the words "risk," "money," and "adrenalin" is also pretty sexy stuff. I like it, Steve, I like it.Verdict: Text me later.7/10For more scandal, follow Beatrice on Twitter"Most MPs are risk-takers to one degree or another. Usually in the areas of money, sex, political opportunism. Add in the adrenalin, the attention u get, and the time away from family… toxic mix."