The bubbly and ever-glistening pop stars of the future won't serenade the masses with heartrending ballads of young love gone awry. Instead, tomorrow's crooning idols will be focused squarely on proper grilling etiquette and the merits of sous vide porchetta. And who are the omnipotent overlords who started this darkly synth future?Why, that would most clearly be Hamburgirl Z, of course!At least that's what we're betting our money on, after learning from Japanese culture blogger Tofugu about the newly formed idol group that totally blows all other groups away. We're talking, of course, about Japan's very own hamburger-themed girl group.Idol groups, in case you have been asleep for the last decade or two, are a massive business in Japan. Beloved for their cuteness and coolness, these groups are marketed as role models. They sing pop music, wear themed outfits, and exude a level of kawaii sweetness that puts tweens into states of perpetual ecstasy.Just to give you an idea of some of the mind-numbingly horrifying themes that our lovely Hamburgirl Z are competing with on the highly cutthroat idol scene, witness Marines Kanpai Girls, the baseball-themed idol group, or Kiyoshi Ryujin 25, the group that is centered on the ideals of polygamy. Yes, polygamy. That group consists of Ryujin—a well-known singer who often sports an Afro-like wig—and his six "wives."Somebody needs to send word to Lou Pearlman's prison cell and let the dude know about the future, ASAP. Forget the Backstreet Boys, Lou. It's time to think outside the box.Anyways, Nishi-Nihon Hamburgirl Z—which translates to West Japan Hamburgirl Zeta—is comprised of 15 cherubically round-eyed Japanese girls, each with their own theme and hamburger topping. And before you ask, yes, they do wear hats featuring plush versions of their ingredients.Back to the hamburger-topping plush hats, because who wouldn't want to talk more about that? The girls' ingredients range from the predictable lettuce, eggs, and tomatoes all the way to the Seussian hamburger topping of Awaji Island Fish and Awaji Island Chicken.Don't ask—we don't know.Perhaps they just struggled to find toppings for each of the 15 young ladies. After all, they resorted to having not one, but two onion girls. Maybe it's just because they happen to be sisters—or have a strong predilection for onions. Who in the hell among us can pretend to understand the musings of true artists like the Hamburgirl Z?Did we forget to mention that the group's producer, Shintaro Yabu, just so happens to also be the chairman of the West Japan Hamburger Association?Will these girls herald a new age of food-based bands? We certainly hope so, although it's hard to say for sure. At the very least, we can take solace in the fact that the Hamburgirl Z are most definitely breathing new life into this age-old question and answering it with alacrity: Where's the beef?
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By the way, if any of you thought 15 musicians in a band might be a bit much, maybe you should reconsider that after taking a gander at AKB48, a 48-person Japanese idol group.Only in #Japan will you meet a Hamburger Idol Group: Hamburgirl Z http://t.co/CCZCFzCtTJ pic.twitter.com/OEILXBm8ni
— Japan Crate (@JapanCrate) October 6, 2015
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