My Friend Sent Me Chunks of His Toe

A few months ago my friend's toe almost fell off. It was disgusting and it looked like a hemorrhoid and one of my co-workers almost threw up all over my computer when I showed it to her. A couple of days ago that same friend wandered into the office and handed me one of those medical pee-cup deals labeled, "Ben's fractured shard of a toe has gone rotten for Jon, [heart] Ben."

Now, normally, I'm not the squeamish type, but when I opened the jar I immediately started dry-heaving. A large, twisted and discolored piece of skin was resting on top of a piece of cotton. Before I could put the cap back on the smell of old bloody roadkill stuffed with cottage cheese wafted forcefully into my nostrils. "There's more below," Ben told me.

I tried to make him take it back but he wouldn't. Told me it was a "gift." I was too grossed out to even touch the jar, so it sat ominously on my desk until last night, when I opened it with an empty stomach, a dust mask, and a pair of thick yellow cleaning gloves. Here's what I found.

The most important thing to remember when looking at those pictures is the horrifying smell that was floating off of the almost three month-old flesh. As it turns out, the part of Ben's toe that's still attached to his foot has healed up right nice, and he's even started skating again. For reasons I still don't understand, he claims he's still not pissed at the doctor for bringing his toe to within an inch of its life and will continue to go back to him for future podiatrical problems.

JONATHAN SMITH