This Week in Food Porn

Now is the summer of our hot content, of melting butter and griddled meats, of oil-drenched salads and clinking ice.

So don't waste these pollen rich days scrolling through endless photos of boring landscapes and sun dappled meadows. Let us lead you by the sweaty hand straight to the good stuff—the food stuff, the would if I could and I should stuff.

For here, my busy and delighted friends, is the very best in food pornography, uploaded to Instagram this week.

Bon appétit—you deserve it.

Looks posh, tastes Nando's. Have you tried the new Fino Platter? #Nandos #NandosUK #FeelingFino #Food #FoodPorn #Friends #Family #Lunch #Dinner

A photo posted by Nando's UK (@nandosuk) on May 24, 2016 at 7:33am PDT

Over here, we like to throw around terms like "food porn," "finger licking," and "foodgasm" like the depreciation of sexual capital ain't no thing. But just occasionally, a dish will pop up that's so unavoidably provocative as a spatchcock chicken with a lemon clit that there simply is no other term to fit the, ahem, bill. So good on you, Nando's: you splay, you lie back, you do it like the animals. Your plate—your party. Your food porn.

An afternoon of recipe testing! Matcha green tea Blondies with white chocolate swirled through! #healthy #blondie #instagram #instahealth #instagood #instalike #instafollow A photo posted by Blondies Kitchen (@blondieskitchen) on May 23, 2016 at 5:22am PDT

Anyone else remember marbling as a kid? When you'd throw a load of food colouring and vegetable oil onto a tray full of water and then run a sheet of A4 card through it like a snow plough? Only to then present you caregiver with the final result, and a gap-toothed grin like you'd just invented thermo-nuclear dynamics? Sure you do. Me too. And if that isn't a good enough excuse for elevenses, then I don't know what is.

All I need now is a rest and my supperight night my Friends! . #vsco#vscocam#vscogood#vscogrid#vscogram#vscoph#vscophile#vscodaily#supper#yummy#food#foodie#foodporn#foods#foodlover#foodphotography#foodpics#foodgasm#foodstagram#strawberry#strawberries#tea#greentea#berries#rsa_ladies#nothingisordinary

A photo posted by MINIMALIV (@minimaliving) on May 24, 2016 at 11:30am PDT

Oh careful pal, you're going to spill that cup of white wine and Ribena all over your pillowcase if you're not careful.

5.25 三色べん。 ワタシの家べんも@asts0618 憧れままぁんの そぼろ弁当を見てから 作ろ〜〜と思い立ち、 A photo posted by(@bijou7231) on May 24, 2016 at 3:25pm PDT

You know those road signs you see in the middle of a motorway gyratory through some un-noticed suburban industrial plant? The ones that seem to either be indicating a new road layout, ring road alteration or HGV lane? The ones that spring out from a foreign highway with no text, no explanation, no apparent instruction? Well, if you tried to reconstruct that road furniture through the simple medium of turkey mince and green beans you would, I think, have created this.

I don't know how much longer I keep this diet going. Tag someone who wants this diet. #food #foodie #foodporn #foodgasm #foodpics #foodpic #pizza #santamonica #instafood #yum #yummy #love #nikon #picoftheday #photo #burger #foodphotography #foodlover #yumm #delish #delicious #healthy #fit #tasty #foodies #foodlovers #eat #nomnom #pic #photo #me @bigdsburgers @phatmig @muy_dulce

A photo posted by SHABAZZ (@shabazzer_) on May 24, 2016 at 3:23pm PDT

Is this a dagger which I see before me, the handle toward my hand? Come, let me clutch thee. Art thou not, fatal vision, sensible to seasoning as to napkin? Or art thou but a dagger of the mind, a false creation, proceeding from the meat-oppressed, egg-seared brain?

Gece gece iyi geldi ☺️ #yemek #tatli #yiyecek #food #fastfood #gürme #gurme #yemeğimiz #spagetti #yemekler #food #foodporn #yum #instafood #yummy #instagood #afiyetolsun #sweet #dinner #lunch #breakfast #fresh #foodie #delish #eating #foodpic #foodpics #eat #foodgasm #hot #foods A photo posted by oRC (@orc.1903) on May 24, 2016 at 2:35pm PDT

What's for dinner, mum? What? Milk soup with miniature floating bath blocks and a side of raw onion? Woo hoo! It must be my birthday!

#bonappetit #seafood #foodpic #foodporn #summer #foodphotography #foodpictures #foodstagram #foodgram #goodtime #pasandola #igershelsinki #igersfinland #igersmorocco #agadir #morocco #northafrica #finnishgirl #buenprovecho #mariscos #recentforrecent #recent4recent #followforfollow #follow4follow #verano

A photo posted by Elisa Katariina(@elizakatariina) on May 24, 2016 at 3:23pm PDT

Battered scampi—like shandy, candy floss, inexpert snogging under a boardwalk, and a gusset full of sand—is such fragrant, oil-dripped essence of August bank holiday larks that you might as well be downing a shot of Ambro Solaire and smoking a B&H silver on an end-of-the-pier rollercoaster while squeezing lemon juice across your new sun-in highlights. Pure romance.

Beautiful Mountain cows , out to pasture at high altitude fed on grasses herbs flowers and ofcourse the milk is fantastic, super nutritious and delicious with higher Amiga 3 . X X A photo posted by Jamie Oliver (@jamieoliver) on May 24, 2016 at 2:26am PDT

Hey, Number 2150, you're my kind of cattle. Let's roll in the grass and get high on Amiga 3, while we've still got the breath in our lungs and the soil on our hooves.

Débarquer et surprendre ma @lisa_de_npa pour son anniversaire, avec le meilleur dessert qu'il soit En guest Iris la chipie !! (More on snapchat ? Yellow_sweets)

A photo posted by Linda (@hinalys) on May 24, 2016 at 12:37pm PDT

OK, I don't really know what I'm looking at here. Is it a cream tea, dipped in honey? Is it a disassembled Eton Mess rolling down an avalanche of pure glory? Is it the aftermath of a volcanic eruption on the very site of Mrs Wiltshire's Tea House and Pick Your Own? Is it pudding? Is it power? Is it mine?

These have had at least 3 goes in the fryer, I reckon, and they're all the better for it. Reckon Heston got all his best ideas from The Picton Takeaway. A photo posted by Elly Curshen (@ellypear) on May 24, 2016 at 2:51pm PDT

Sometimes still life dances so gleefully along the very boundary of morbid lipidity. Come fat, come flavour, come condiments. Come eternal sleep.