The FDA Won't Let Bullshit Vegan Mayonnaise Sully Mayonnaise's Good Name

Read: I Worked at Golden Corral and It Was Disgusting

Mayonnaise, in its traditional form of white gunk containing eggs, oil, vinegar, and lemon, has been lubricating American breads and meats for over a century. As with any good product, it was only a matter of time before someone came along and tried to rip it off. Luckily, the Food and Drug Administration is coming to mayonnaise's defense and fighting off the manufacturers of a vegan spread calling itself Just Mayo, despite the absence of eggs in its recipe.

On August 13, the FDA sent Hampton Creek, manufacturer of Just Mayo, a letter accusing the company of creating a spread of lies. In addition to having "Mayo" in its name, the company's jars have a picture of an egg on the label, but none inside.

The US government, it turns out, has very clear and strangely detailed rules about what is mayonnaise and what is not mayonnaise. "The use of the term 'mayo' in the product names and the image of an egg may be misleading to consumers," the FDA's William A. Cornell, Jr. wrote in the letter to Hampton Creek. "It may lead them to believe that the products are the standardized food, mayonnaise, which must contain eggs."

The FDA also requires that all mayonnaise contain at least 65 percent vegetable oil, and weirdly can't include turmeric or saffron. God knows what kind of condiment you get when you mix a pinch of saffron into a jar of mayonnaise, but it sure as fuck isn't mayonnaise.

In their letter, FDA gave Hampton Creek 15 days to "take prompt action to correct the violations," and those 15 days are almost up. Hampton Creek has yet to take any real action, but the company's CEO told Fox News on Tuesday that he doesn't expect to have to change Just Mayo's name.