De Niro Guinness Tiramisu

Seeing as how Irish people are all drunks, I was always confused as to why their alcoholic pride and joy, Guinness, tastes like sodden mud and leaves me comatose for a week. So, while I'm assured that drinking Guinness in its birthplace of Dublin is like suckling liquid gold from the teat of Mother Nature, a great way of getting the best out of the stuff that's imported to our supermarkets is to complement it with an industrial amount of dairy and more alcohol.

For today's purposes, we'll be sourcing our extra alcohol from Italy, which is why it's named after my favorite Irish-Italian actor who didn't play Danny Zuko in Grease.

De Niro Guinness Tiramisu

Literally translated as "pick-me-up," the traditional recipe for tiramisu is so-called 'cos it's rammed full of coffee. Coffee and Guinness. Caffeine and booze. It's a night out, a hangover, and a cure rolled into one—take that, modern science! (Though you may not be feeling so bolshy when you throw this down your throat and shit yourself instantaneously.)

I know you alcoholics are used to tasks that take 12 steps to complete, but this recipe's so easy I'ma do it for you in seven. That way you can get back to doing more important things, like weeping.

Ingredients

1 x cup of plain soft cheese 4 x tbspns of brown sugar 1 x tbspn of maple syrup 2 x cups of heavy whipping cream 1 x sprinkle of cinnamon 1 x sprinkle of nutmeg 1 x splash of whiskey or Irish cream lots x finger of sponge things 1 x bottle of Guinness for dipping

Step 1.

Beat the sugar and syrup into your soft, soft cheese until the grains of sugar have stopped being grains and you have a bowl of ambiguous tooth-rot.

Step 2.

Whisk the nutmeg, cinnamon, and some whiskey into the cream until it's thick. The amount of alcohol you slosh in is really up to you, so, half a shot if you're a pretty relaxed sort of person, or a large splash if you're from either of the countries where Tiramisu or Guinness is from.

Step 3.

Flop the two together until you've got a sturdy, caramel-y goop.

Step 4.

Dairy portion done, the sponge fingers need no more than a whore's bath in the Guinness. Anything more than a quick dip and they'll crumble into a gross slush quicker than you can say "Shane MacGowan's brain."

Step 5.

To build, you can construct a jumbo tiramisu, but shoving individual portions in glasses makes you a) look mad fancy, and b) requires minimal effort to look pretty.

Step 6.

Alternately layer the booze fingers and whiskey slop, then top with some grated chocolate. Seriously, that's it.

Step 7.

For the tastiest results, leave to stew overnight in the fridge in its own Guinness and whiskey muck so all the flavors have soaked in.

Like, what? That wasn't even 15 minutes of hard work and yet it looks as if you've gone five star chef H.A.M in the dessert department with this scrumptious marriage of Ireland and Italy.

Bone-appetit!