‘Tis the season to give and get gifts. But why stick to stale candy canes stuck in a stained mug that says “World’s #2 Dad” when you could get something that, well, doesn’t suck? To wit, we here at MUNCHIES have tirelessly racked our greasy brains to compile the best food-related gifts on planet Earth, and quite possibly the universe. Behold, The MUNCHIES Holiday Gift Guide.
Oh, and if you want to score a couple of these baller items for yourself for free, scroll down and enter to win a Chambong and Gold Leaf Beef Jerky.
100 Island Creek Oysters
A dozen oysters, you says? Pshh. Real-deal seafood aficionados can put away a helluva lot more than a mere 12 jewels of the ocean, and these babies from Island Creek Oysters are bursting with complexity—a little sweet, a little briny, and all delicious.
Black Marble Champagne Bucket
Ballers need somewhere to keep their Champagne cold during a party, and this badass solid black marble skull bucket from Thomas Fuchs should do the trick nicely.
Three Jerks Golden Meat Box
There’s no such thing as low-class snacks when they’re covered in edible 24-karat gold leaf. Three Jerks has done the unthinkable and given its fine filet mignon jerky a Midas touch.
Regalis Golden Osetra Caviar
When you think of caviar, this is what you should imagine: Delicate black-golden pearls of Russian osetra, nutty and creamy and fine. It’ll bring out the oligarch in anyone lucky enough to get a taste.
Flutes are passé and coupes are better reserved for cocktail hour. When you crack open your methuselah of Veuve, pass around a Chambong—a piece of glassware that falls somewhere between a Spanish porron and a shotgunned can of Pabst.
Regalis Smoked Steelhead Trout Roe
Straight from the Columbia River in Washington, this trout roe is like your everyday caviar. It’s perfect on eggs (eggs on eggs!) or a shmear of crème fraîche, but the high-class move is to eat it straight with a spoon while marathoning Dating Naked.
Murray’s Cheese Top Shelf Collection
Murray’s Cheese Shop claims that this kit, which contains over three pounds of cheese and nine ounces of cured meat, feeds up to 14 “epicureans.” But we know that you can probably put away most of this Ossau Iraty, Caveman Blue, and Creminelli Barolo Salami all by yourself.
Regalis Tennessee Black Truffle Honeycomb
Never did honey taste so sweet than when it met the earthy, rich funk of a fresh black truffle. That’s exactly what’s happening in this jar of star-thistle honey and truffles from Chuckey, Tennessee, just waiting to be spread on cheese or your bare lips.
Fermín Boneless Jamón Serrano
Finally, the pièce de résistance: Your own personal ham. And this ain’t any ham—it’s a fine specimen of jamón serrano, a traditional form of Spanish charcuterie that makes prosciutto look like stew meat.