How Bartenders Are Helping Patrons Escape Bad Dates

In a dating environment defined by right-swipes and slides into the DMs, the chances of sidling up to the bar and into an uncomfortable—or downright dangerous—situation are high.

Recently, the internet became abuzz over the alleged existence of the "Angel Shot," a potentially lifesaving (or at least night-saving) piece of covert bar jargon, which guarantees customers on foul first dates a quick, under-the-radar escape from their unwanted advancer. A boozy deus ex machina for the online dating set, if you will.

An image of a sign posted in the women's bathroom of The Iberian Rooster— a "colonial Portuguese fusion" restaurant in St. Petersburg, Florida—went viral, and drew praise from many for creating a crafty means of ensuring the safety and wellbeing of their female patrons.

"Are you on a date that isn't going well?" it asks, urging those who "feel unsafe, or even just a bit weird" to order an Angel Shot, a secret menu item designed to subtly indicate to the bartender that you need to GTFO of there. Per the sign, the shot can be ordered neat, with ice, or with lime, depending on the urgency of the situation and the patron's escape method of choice—being walked to their own vehicle or hailing a ride-sharing service.

Though the viral image has now made the bar's secret menu item not-so-secret, it did raise the question of whether so-called Angel Shots truly are a barkeep code known far and wide.

While other establishments—including a Hooters—have begun to incorporate the phrase into their own bar jargon, even posting similar signs in women's restrooms, fact-checking site Snopes points out that the specific term 'Angel Shot' isn't a widespread or well-known code word in the bartending world. While it may have become a buzzword online, bartenders is different cities have no unanimous code or procedure for customers who feel they're in a threatening situation.

"It's not a new concept—I've had multiple bartenders talk about some sort of code like that," says Torrey Bell-Edwards, bartender at Brooklyn's Friends and Lovers and Honey's, who has seen his fair share of sticky situations during his eight years in the business. "For those of us who have been bartending for awhile, it's been an issue for a long time. We spend a lot of our time noticing people being creeps or people in uncomfortable situations."

Bell-Edwards says that for bartenders, it's all about "straddling a line" between creating a safe space for the customer and not crossing a line or making assumptions. "You can't really 'white-knight' grown adults, but at the same time, there's no question that in an environment like a bar women are constantly dealing with that shit."

However, Bell-Edwards also notes that "bartenders are keenly aware of almost anything going on in their bars," and work with security staff to keep tabs on all of the action from a distance. If it seems like a customer's in a dangerous situation—or has had something slipped in their drink, an occurrence he's seen a number of times over the years—that's an indicator that the bartender needs to step in.

Kirk Podell, another bartender of eight years, says a key part of the job is assessing the comfort and safety of every customer. "It's our job to already notice bad situations even when it's not completely obvious. Most of us know how to read a situation and act with composure," he says. Podell, who works at Anchored Inn and Clockwork Bar in New York, says he had never heard the term "Angel Shot" before it recently started circulating on the Internet, but has noticed similar precautions aimed at women in the past. "When I worked in San Francisco, there would usually be more ads for cabs in women's restrooms," he says, noting that he hadn't noticed similar precautions in New York bars.

While Podell suggests that it's a bartender's "job to notice these things," in the case a customer does need to alert the staff they're at risk, he suggests the best route is to be upfront and ask for help directly, rather than resorting to code. "Let the bartender know the situation quickly. Say, 'Hey, can you call me a car?' in a concise way so the person who's working knows exactly what you need."

Though neither of Bell-Edwards' bars has an Angel Shot-adjacent secret menu item, he encourages patrons who are feeling unsafe or uncomfortable to speak up and let the person behind the bar know they need help. And while he thinks The Iberian Rooster's method is "a good thing—any tool that helps people feel safer is important," Bell-Edwards thinks there are simple ways a bar can create a safer, more welcoming environment.

"Even a sign that says, 'this is a safe space' is really helpful. We want people to feel comfortable wherever they are, and we don't want any element of threat in our places. These are our homes."