President Obama's Shoes Just Got Violated by Salmon Sperm

Forget getting egg on your face: Getting it on your shoes is arguably just as bad. Especially if the "egg" we are talking about was just moments ago tempestuously excreted from some glassy-eyed salmon's scaly junk.

In what could very well be the largest political faux pas to have ever occurred on Alaskan soil, some cheeky Coho salmon actually shot its pearly load all over President Obama's loafers. (Somewhere in DC, the president's shoe shiner is silently weeping.)

The whole sticky situation is the result of a visit the President made to an isolated fishing village yesterday during his historic three-day trip to the largest American state: Alaska. The highly publicized trip was geared towards promoting environmental protection and was made in the hopes of showing solidarity with the often-overlooked state.

The President visited Kim Williams, a commercial and subsistence fisher on Kanakanak Beach in Dillingham, Alaska. While there, the fish he was holding began to expel a fluid. And it turns out that the oozing stuff was something called "milt," which is actually the sperm-containing fluid of the male salmon. Incidentally, adventurous eaters will recognize milt as an oft-ignored edible found in such diverse dishes as Sicilian pasta and the creamy and delicate shirako. But the President wasn't eating this milt.

"You see that?" questioned the President with the culprit still clutched in his gloved hands. "Something's got on my shoes," the President added. He then remarked that the accompanying local fisherwoman said the eager fish was simply "happy to see me."

Obama's fish tale: Salmon spawning on his shoes http://t.co/nJwEIl1oV9 pic.twitter.com/a1rzKyFF36

— Pierre Taylor (@newspeepers) September 3, 2015

Getting a healthy serving of salmon spunk on your penny loafers may be enough excitement for most, but apparently not for the leader of the free world. The President's publicized visit to the isolated town of fewer than 3,000 people also placed him at the center of an embattled local conflict between the town's fishermen and a group of developers hoping to build Pebble Mine, a gold and copper mine.

Dillingham is located on an inlet off of the Bering Sea and is a major salmon fishing hub for the region. As the President put it, "If you've eaten wild salmon, it's likely to have come from here. It's part of the reason why it's so critical that we make sure that we protect this incredible natural resource, not just for the people whose livelihood depends on it, but for the entire country."

But the miners want to move in. While the aforementioned development company has yet to submit an actual proposal, the Environmental Protection Agency has taken the unorthodox measure of preemptively blocking the building plan due to fear that it would very likely harm the local salmon population.

While the mining company has struck back with a lawsuit against the EPA, the area's fishermen are banding together with other locals in the hopes of creating more public awareness at the potential environmental damage.

Despite the serious nature of his visit, President Obama was willing to keep the mood light during the photo op. He donned orange rubber gloves and held up another large silver salmon for the reporters present before hurriedly adding, "I didn't catch it. I don't want anybody thinking I'm telling, you know, fish tales."

Boom! Who would have guessed there would be not one, but two money shots in a single appearance? Was the POTUS was forced to hire a cigar-smoking Friar's Club has-been for his speechwriter?

In any event, Obama seemed pleased with the visit, proclaiming the salmon jerky he tasted "very good" and telling his aides not to eat the can of salmon he was given as a souvenir.

All in all, it was a good visit. And the maritime equivalent of la petite mort? Obama can deal with that.

Stay fishy, lovers.