This Coach's Insane Olympic Athlete Meal Plan Is Basically Just a Ton of Meat and Nuts

If you ever want to be in the Olympics, drop your spork and spit out your Wheaties right this second, because real Olympians don't eat that crap. (They just lend their images to the box because pole vaulters need to make money somehow.) To make it to the games, you need to get yourself a real Olympic breakfast instead—one so absolutely loaded with meat and nuts that it will help transform you from a chump into a champ.

Strength training coach Charles R. Poliquin recently put together a sample breakfast plan for athletes on his website Strength Sensei, laying out what top competitors should eat in the morning to get the body going. Poliquin has worked with athletes in the NFL and NHL and both summer and winter Olympians, including NHL bruiser Chris Pronger and 2004 Olympic gold medalists Dwight Phillips (long jump) and Adam Nelson (shotput). According to Poliquin, a good breakfast means stuffing your face with meat and topping it off with a handful of nuts.

"Breakfast is the most important meal of the day," Poliquin writes. "What you eat for breakfast sets up your entire neurotransmitter production for the day. This is particularly important if attention span and concentration are crucial for your performance like in combat sports such as wrestling and judo."

Poliquin's menu for peak performance is pretty formulaic, if you're hungry for a giant portion of meat and some nuts to go with it. It includes: one or two buffalo patties and a handful of macadamia nuts on Monday; a large venison steak and cashews on Tuesday; one to two turkey burgers and almonds on Wednesday; a couple ground beef patties and Brazil nuts on Thursday; one to two chicken breasts and hazelnuts on Friday; and eight to ten gluten-free chicken sausages and a handful of pistachios on Saturday.

"The meat and nuts breakfast raises both dopamine and acetyl-choline, the two most important neurotransmitters for focus and drive," Poliquin writes. "The meat allows for a slow and steady rise in blood sugar. The nuts provide a great source of healthy smart fats that allows the blood sugar to remain stable for an extended period of time."

Sunday, presumably, is a day off, but don't even think about ruining all your hard work with pancakes or some garbage. As Poliquin says, "It goes without saying that you DO NOT ADD ANYTHING TO [the diet] in terms of food or beverage. Tea, coffee or herbal infusions are permissible, milk and juice or other liquids are not allowed."

Poliquin also offers some tips for athletes on the road where securing, say, a dozen gluten-free chicken sausages or a large venison steak might present a challenge. When he's in the Dominican Republic, he'll go for salmon and avocados, and, when in Stockholm, elk is on the menu. When he finds himself in unfamiliar territory, he'll look for places where he can get steak and eggs or salmon and eggs. But even when that's not possible, don't worry—Poliquin's got you covered. When all else fails, he packs a cooler full of caviar, which, apparently, is popular with Russian weightlifters.

One shudders to think of what Poliquin thinks of Michael Phelps' legendary 12,000-calorie diet from back in the day (he's eating less now) or the meal regimens of other athletes (Riff Raff?) on extreme diets. Athletes: if you want to enter Poliquin's Dojo of Strength and compete for the gold, you best be ready to make some changes to your lifestyle… and to eat a pile of burger patties for breakfast.