You poor, hapless pricks. That's not an apple tart—it's an up-the-nostril shot of my old maths teacher Mr Willis as he bored 30 hormonal teachers for 45 minutes about simultaneous equations.A photo posted by The Art of Plating (@theartofplating) on Aug 3, 2016 at 8:36pm PDT
I mean, if you're going to do a thing, you might as well do it properly. By which I of course mean feeding your unborn foetus with chocolate spread and smiling bananas, not "Have unprotected sex and hope for the best."Hummmmm #breakfast #foodporn #pregnancy #6months A photo posted by @ambrouze on Aug 3, 2016 at 10:52pm PDT
Talking of unprotected sex …A photo posted by Eat Famous (@eatfamous) on Aug 3, 2016 at 8:19pm PDT
When I was young, my father—a builder—would often get paid (alongside the small folds of actual, spendable cash) in bags of broken biscuits off the market. These jamless dodgers, dry custard creams, and near-pulverised chocolate fingers were the most exciting things to cross our threshold since he bought a portable telephone (I was watching a lot of the Ghostbusters cartoon back then, and used to walk around the house pointing the phone aerial at various walls and corners pretending to be Egon).The worst thing about eating a box of Pocky is that you always want S'more. A photo posted by Pocky USA (@pockyusa) on Aug 3, 2016 at 4:28pm PDT
I had no idea so many people with very serious delirium tremors shared their breakfast menus on Instagram. Still, it's nice that, even after you've scattered all merry buggery out of a box of Alpen and a punnet of berries, you can still take the time to photograph the resulting chaos against a Sunny Delight backdrop. You just keep on keepin' on, hun.Have a #sunny day Lasst euch nicht unterkriegen #breakfast #summer #fruits
A photo posted by Anna Hofstätter (@anna.gramm_) on Aug 3, 2016 at 10:54pm PDT
I can only assume, judging by the extreme proximity of that turquoise door and gloss paint knocker, that someone is about to post this entire cake through the local vicar's letterbox while humming "Bad to the Bone" under their bated breath.Good morning lovely people! Reposting this cake from last summer to explain my new profile picture! It's a drawing of my talented friend Anna @anna_v_dinkel who is very much into fashion illustration, so my cake is on her page among haute couture dresses and famous faces You made me so happy Анюта! Have to run grocery shopping because spent way toooo much time watching insta stories #cake #foodstagram #happy #summer #foodphotography #foodpics #delicious #baking #feedfeed @thefeedfeed #thekitchn #myopenkitchen #icapturefood #foodie_features #buzzfeast #thechalkboardeats #sunlightcooks #eeeeeats #realfood #chocolate A photo posted by Elena (@sunlight.delight) on Aug 3, 2016 at 10:54pm PDT
Until you've snogged a pimple-necked teenager whose breath tastes simultaneously of cider, onion rings, and B&H Silver, as the dying notes of "Toxic" by Britney Spears fade out into the background, I'm afraid you simply don't know what love is.A photo posted by Elly Curshen (@ellypear) on Aug 3, 2016 at 11:47am PDT
Talking of neck pimples …Moin Moin! Der Herbst ist noch immer da, abee zum Wochenende hin, soll es angeblich besser werden. Bin gespannt Ich hoffe, ihr habt alle suuuper geschlafen und was ganz wunderbares geträumt? Ich trinke jetzt meinen #lebenswichtigen #kaffee und esse mein oberleckeres #porridge mit VIEL Zimt! Habt einen bezaubernden Tag #fitfamgermany #fitchick #raspberry #himbeeren #oatmeal #oats #gainz #savethegainz #highcarb #carbsoncarbs #loveyourself #bodybuilding #shelifts #gymlife #lifestyle #krafttraining #fitnessaddicted #healthy #staystrong #picoftheday #breakfast #foodie #foodporn A photo posted by Annika (@strong.annika) on Aug 3, 2016 at 10:52pm PDT
A photo posted by Александра Яровая (@aleksandra_iarovaia) on Aug 3, 2016 at 11:25pm PDT
Of course, Nigella's made a chocolate tart as smooth as a pool at night. Of course she's made a chocolate tart as salty as your tears. Of course Nigella Lawson has made a chocolate tart too dark, too glossy, and too curved to be photographed all at once. Of course she bloody has.#recipeoftheday Salted Chocolate Tart Photograph by @nordljus And the recipe is on my website, which you can get to by clicking on link in profile A photo posted by Nigella (@nigellalawson) on Aug 3, 2016 at 7:27am PDT
What I know about steaks could fill the back of a cherrystone. But what I know of bones and butter, of iron and thyme, of time and fat, of bulbs and flesh could fill a book. It'll still give you a big neck though. So, you know, check your neck.A photo posted by ♨Grill Lovers♨ (@grill_lovers1) on Aug 3, 2016 at 5:53pm PDT