This Week in Food Porn: Rainbow Cake and Monster Shakes

Somebody crack my thumbs with a crab claw because I've got scrolling fever!

Awake all night, razzed up on the buns, the pho, the eggs, the butter. My toe tapping like a freight train as I swipe through 356 buns a minute. My sweat dripping like a waterfall as I heart, double tap, and like more salads than a vegan wedding buffet, more burgers than a Texan stag do.

I need that food photography man. I need it in my 20-hour bone broth and in the tips of my chicken toes.

Save yourself the digital strain and allow us to present the very best in morsels, mouthfeel, and munchies uploaded to Instagram this week.

A celebratory bean burrito because today I became a HOMEOWNER! the BF and I just closed on a cute little home from the 70s (AKA needs a lot of TLC) So if you guys know any good instas or blogs for renovation/decor inspiration PLEASE send them my way!

A photo posted by Lizzie Darden (@lizzie_darden) on May 19, 2016 at 12:24pm PDT

You know how every couple of years, a big publisher will bring out a new edition of some seminal lesbian novel? Tipping the Velvet. Oranges Are Not The Only Fruit. The Well of Loneliness. And they want something that looks a bit like a vagina, but not too much like actual, real life human genitalia? So you get a pink purse full of pearls? Or a tinned peach covered in syrup? Well, I think we just found the burrito equivalent.

Wild pesto pasta featuring bishop's elder, lamb's quarters, garlic mustard, and sautéed field garlic bulbs. The base was toasted pistachios, pine nuts, nutritional yeast, lemon juice, and olive oil tossed with noodles. Studded within are blanched fiddle head ferns from the market. On top, wild pheasant's back mushroom bacon, wild violets (yes, they were still some in bloom!), red bud (from a previous forage), chickweed, and garlic mustard flowers. To finish, a sprinkling of the toasted pistachios. This one is dedicated to the one and only @jamieoliver, who was kind enough to repost one of my photographs from yesterday. His passion and love of food inspired me when I watched him as a teenager, and still does today. Thank you Jamie! Lastly, the whole process of collecting these ingredients and the making of the dish was part of my takeover of the @thefeedfeed's snapchat, so make sure to go watch the whole story! Harvesting the mushrooms, clipping the greens, and cooking in my kitchen. It was honestly too much fun, so go see for yourself. And thanks for having me @thefeedfeed. :) A photo posted by Mississippi Vegan (@mississippivegan) on May 19, 2016 at 5:51pm PDT

Nothing brings a thrill to my heart like the words "nutritious yeast" and I know I'm not the only one. Not to mention "lambs quarters," chickweed, bishop's elder, and of course, the mighty "fiddlehead ferns." Put it on an ink needle and bury it in my skin.

This is called making lemonade out of lemons or deliciousness out of something your grandma gives you every year on your birthday. #eatingfortheinsta @mdoughw

A photo posted by @eatingfortheinsta on May 19, 2016 at 7:28pm PDT

Last time I got caught #eatingfortheinsta, it was when my partner walked in to find me trying to photograph an apple that had rolled halfway up my skirt, under the caption "just getting my Pink Lady out for the lads." Great times.

my new spiced carrot baked oatmeal with maple roasted pecans is now live on the G&F site! enjoy the recipe friends! and happy weekend #gatherandfeast A photo posted by Ashley Alexander (@gatherandfeast) on May 19, 2016 at 7:58pm PDT

Oh, I just love a nice mug of bitumen, twigs, axle grease, and a heathy dollop of white emulsion first thing in the morning. Really sets me up for the day. No need for spoons, either. I just push the whole thing into my mouth using a basil leaf.

Melonmelonmelonmelonmelonmelonmelon !!!!!! Feebly in the process of trying to get some much needed hydration and sunshine because it is cold and I haven't had really any sun in weeks but I've taken a day off today ! And I'm also going to finally film last weeks q&a which I didn't get a chance to do ! So yay hope you are all having a wonderful day

A photo posted by Jess - LIVE. LAUGH. LOVE (@dateswithlove) on May 19, 2016 at 6:03pm PDT

Ah mate, somebody's dropped a load of frogspawn on your watermelon there. Sorry mate. I'll get you a new one.

#recipeoftheday Linguine with Chilli, Crab and Watercress Photograph by @petrinatinslay And the recipe is on my website, which you can get to by clicking on link in profile A photo posted by Nigella (@nigellalawson) on May 17, 2016 at 6:40am PDT

Have you ever tried to actually feast on crab? Like, to really fill up on crab? It's like trying to skateboard on a bran flake. Or shelter from the rain under a bagel. But add that crab to a load of wheat, oil, salt, and egg? Then, my friends, you're in business. And nobody knows this better than Her Royal Thighness, Nigella.

Pheasant Back Mushrooms!! #winooski #forage #foodpic #vscofood #vermonting

A photo posted by Misery Loves Co. (@miserylovescovt) on May 19, 2016 at 10:07am PDT

You call it a pheasant black mushroom. I call it a skin condition.

Sexy cauli alert! So pleased to have created this recipe for #MissionDeli for Southern spiced roasted cauliflower with avocado mayo and pickled slaw. It's topped with crunchy toasted pumpkin seeds for extra texture and the nutty roast cauli and crisp, piquant slaw work really well with the creamy avo against the soft wrap. Perfect for a picnic when summer finally decides to stick around… #foodphotos #foodstyling #foodphotography #cauliflower A photo posted by Rosie Birkett (@rosiefoodie) on May 18, 2016 at 4:50am PDT

Ah, cauliflower. Once the brassica that ruled fart-smelling school corridors and the cheese sauce packets of your grandmother's larder. Now her white inflorescence meristem is basically the Kardashian of the cultivar group. Go whistle down a train track, broccoli, brussels sprouts, cabbage, and collard greens. Nobody cares.

Keeping the crust simple today with whole wheat and a strawberry rhubarb filling. Is there a better spring pie flavor? I sure can't think of one… . #rhubarb #pie #piecrust #berry #berrypie #bakersofinstagram #wsbakeclub #foodphotographer #foodphotography #foodstyling #vscofood #vscofashionfood #refinedsugarfree #sugarfree #wholefoodplantbased #onmytable #thatsdarling #feedfeed @thefeedfeed #yahoofood #buzzfeast #huffposttaste #foodwinewomen #wholegrain #strawberries

A photo posted by Kayley McCabe (@thekitchenmccabe) on May 19, 2016 at 6:23pm PDT

I can only assume those are small piles of talcum powder she's accidentally scattered all over her nice tablecloth, along with a cup full of Kahlua and the remains of a daisy chain. Bit of a mess, to be honest.

These milkshakes would definitely bring all the boys to the yard ph. @pinterest A photo posted by Ellie / The Elle Next Door (@ellenextdoor) on May 8, 2016 at 1:32am PDT

You're a monster. A monster. But you're my kind of monster.