This Week in Food Porn: Scones and Steak

Ah, February—as heady as Medusa and just as unpleasant. With the world turning at a rate of knots and the news rolling at a rate of riots, who has the time to scroll endlessly through a hyper-composed buffet bar of food pics?

You guys need to outsource that shit. To me. Et voila, your weekly food photo blitz is read to fork.

Decisions, decisions. #Willpower #FoodPorn #dessert

A photo posted by Brandmajian (@brandmajian) on Feb 18, 2016 at 4:50am PST

People who put cake in their Twitter bios are right up there with people who use "gin o'clock" as a time reference and post "funny" coffee shop blackboards on Instagram. People who bake cake, on the other hand, have my full support.

The best kind of plates are filled to the brim with PLANTS my typical rainbow nourish bowl dinner of crunchy baked sweet + normal potato chiplets, a whole lotta raw veg, fresh coriander and a dollop of Beetroot hummus#vegan Whoever thinks salad is boring, you're clearly not doing it right!✌?️ A photo posted by NINA v e g a n (@naturally_nina_) on Feb 18, 2016 at 2:19am PST

A bowl of veg is a bowl of veg, is a bowl of veg. Until, that is, it becomes a Microsoft Paint pie chart of human happiness. Until it becomes a bowel of veg. Until it becomes a spring in your step.

Today's #pearcafefrittata is Carrot, sesame, potato, cheddar, cumin and parsley

A photo posted by Elly Curshen (@ellypear) on Feb 17, 2016 at 12:59am PST

The art of frittata/doesn't get harder/whether lunch or a starter/you simply go heart her.

I have a problem A photo posted by Rosie Birkett(@rosiefoodie) on Feb 17, 2016 at 7:16am PST

"The heroin from my last hit is fading away and the suppositories have yet to melt … Renton unfolds the silver foil to reveal … a Tunnocks." So goes a lost extract from Irvine Welsh's 1993 novel Trainspotting. According to some sources, the scene was lost after Welsh tried to fax the page over to his publisher on the back of a lightly used Typhoo teabag.

All Kale ceasar!!! My salad in the @djbbq chicken cook off for @wilddish. Whole brined, rubbed and BBQed chick with eggs and THE BEST ceasar salad dressing with anchovies and parmesan and Rosemary and garlic croutons and then EXTRA CHICKEN CRACKLING. now THATS A SALAD

A photo posted by Gizzi Erskine (@gizzierskine) on Feb 16, 2016 at 6:51am PST

Not enough dishes take a philosophical quandary as their starting point. Personally, I would love to chow down on a tree fallen in an empty wood or a possibly-existent box of cat. Good on you, Gizzi.

@libordobis spoiled us at #brunch with salty schnacks and sweet treats! This light and crispy #lobster #tempura was a definite highlight. #Roka #RokaLondon #RokaCanaryWharf #CanaryWharf #LobsterTempura #Seafood #Japanese #JapaneseFood #eeeeeats #LondonEats #London A photo posted by Lesley Pittaway (@babbleandbite) on Feb 14, 2016 at 4:41am PST

That reminds me—I meant to create a life-sized facsimile of Rodin's "The Thinker" entirely out of crustaceans and batter. Thank GOD nobody beat me to it.

Creamed cauliflower, toasted pancetta, florets of romanesco with strands of lightly pickled carrot. A big bowl of soup made from the humble cauliflower. Comforting stuff for a chilly day. Recipe from The Observer 14.02.16, on guardian.com and nigelslater.com

A photo posted by Nigel Slater (@thenigelslater) on Feb 14, 2016 at 5:54am PST

Alright, Nigel. We've all smoked banana skins, put on The Doors, and leant back on a purple beanbag to stare at our mate's wicked Magic Eye painting of Jupiter. No need to get all pickled and creamed about it.

Shanghai steamed dumplings, savoury, soupy, stunning #AWong A photo posted by Allan Jenkins (@allanjenkins21) on Feb 12, 2016 at 7:39am PST

If ever I pack up my bag, throw my belongings over a stick, and stroll to the horizon to seek my fortune, I hope to God my little parcels of fortune runneth over with pearl-like fish eggs, just like jewels.

My scones on the cover of @saveurmag !!!! Pinching myself this wintry morning. Baby Frances and I are going to make up a batch later with granny @elisabethptak. Three generations of bakers in the house!! #bakingtheseasons #scones link to recipe in profile

A photo posted by Violet by Claire Ptak (@violetcakeslondon) on Feb 17, 2016 at 2:20am PST

Cover me in jam and throw me to the inevitable cultural stereotypes. A scone is a twice-loved thing. Once fruitily, and again with cream.

#sundaysareforsuppers and today is meant for cooking for the one you love. Or, heck, just cook two steaks for yourself and live your life.: @alextestere A photo posted by Saveur Magazine (@saveurmag) on Feb 14, 2016 at 12:00pm PST

A portrait of the artist kissing her boyfriend after an entire pizza, bottle of wine, and a Freddo.