personal essays
I Spent Two Years Pretending to Be a Model on a Social Network
As an angsty middle schooler, the site Habbo Hotel offered solace. I became one of the social network's "It Girls."
My Time as a Professional Debt Collector Made Me Lose Faith in Humanity
It's hard to be depressed yourself when you're confronted with the most depressing stuff imaginable.
How to Beat a Lie Detector Test
A story of illegal drugs, youthful mistakes, Texas prison, polygraph machines, a Jewish mother, and one road trip gone extremely awry.
Did My Parents' Divorce Make Me a Shitty Person?
My parents ended their marriage before I was one. When I look back at my life, I wonder if that's what made me treat every woman I've ever dated terribly.
Scott Disick Helped Me Quit Drinking
Watching Scott Disick drink so much he wound up in the hospital was an uncomfortable reminder of my own issues with alcohol, which once sent me to the hospital as well.
Memoirs from a Young Scrub: How TLC Almost Ruined My Life Before It Started
TLC gave the world a scrub checklist, and, as an eighth grader with braces who thought I was fly, I met several of the criteria.
My Time as a 'Cool' Substitute Teacher and a Complete Trainwreck
I showed up hungover, sent kids to Starbucks for coffee, and let my students do whatever they wanted. They loved me.
And Now This: Author Elizabeth Wurtzel Reckons with Breast Cancer
"So I have breast cancer, which like many things that happen to women is mostly a pain in the ass."
My Impossible Quest to Teach My Mom the Language of the iPhone
Sooner or later you have to start parenting your parents.
My Love Affair with Luxury Cars and a Professional Baseball Player
How did I end up behind the wheel of a $140,000 Maserati that had just smashed into a pair of parked cars?