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The New ‘Fifty Shades’ Book Is Here to Ruin Chicken Forever

“She picks up the bowl of diced chicken, rather clumsily places a plate over the top, and puts the whole thing in the fridge.”

Phoebe Hurst

Phoebe Hurst

Photo via Flickr user Mike Mozart

Many foods are claimed to have aphrodisiacal qualities: oysters, mezcal, sushi eaten from a naked body. Raw chicken, however, has to be one of the least sexy foodstuffs in existence. A plate of perfectly crispy wings or engagement chicken, sure—but a possibly contaminous dead bird bit? Each to their own sexual depravity, but you have to admit it’s hard to see the appeal.

Of course, this hasn’t stopped bestselling erotic author E.L. James from sneaking a chicken prep sex scene into the latest installment of her mum-favourite erotic novel series, Fifty Shades. In Darker: Fifty Shades Darker as Told by Christian, college graduate Anastasia Steele and entrepreneur Christian Grey get it on after handling raw poultry together. It is just as bad as it sounds.

Journalist Scott Bryan was the first to notice the passage. Yesterday, he tweeted a photo of a page from Darker, which was released this week, noting: “In the new Christian Grey book, they literally start having sex halfway through making a stir fry.”

Narrated by Christian, who introduces Anastasia to BDSM, the excerpt describes the pair chopping vegetables together in the kitchen. This scene of low-key domestic harmony doesn’t last for long though, as Christian soon announces to Anastasia: “I’m going to take you on the kitchen floor.” His narrative continues: “With a twist, I switch off the gas for the wok. ‘I think we’ll eat later.’ Because right now, I’m going to fuck your brains out. ‘Please put the chicken in the fridge.’”

Faced with this irresistible proposition, Anastasia complies: “She picks up the bowl of diced chicken, rather clumsily places a plate over the top, and puts the whole thing in the fridge.”

Despite mocking James’ signature fan-fiction-style prose, Twitter did praise the author for ensuring that her characters follow correct kitchen safety procedures when handling raw meat and working with hot stoves. In a thread following Bryan’s tweet, Nick Walker noted: “You can't be too careful with chicken, although it is inadvisable to put hot meat straight in the fridge” and @SoosieBonBoozie added: “I was concerned about cross contamination here.” @jennywhojenny said: “I hope she washed her hands after handling raw chicken.”

Always practise safe sex—and chicken preparation.