Gin Lovers Blow More Money on Drunken Online Shopping, Study Says

Ascribing various mental states to different kinds of alcohol is an old excuse that’s been around forever: Some say it was the whiskey that made them throw their drink at a fellow patron, or that there’s no way they would have gone home with that coworker if it weren’t for that second glass of pinot. Others swear tequila is the ultimate alcoholic aphrodisiac, and blame brandy for last night’s crying-into-a-rocks-glass episode. But at the end of the day there hasn’t been a lot of research to back these claims—that is, until now. (Kinda.)

A recent study from Florida-based rehab facility Archstone Recovery Center shows that the kind of alcohol you drink does make a difference—on how much you spend when drunkenly online shopping.

Archstone surveyed 1,094 sloshed shoppers who bought something off Amazon while under the influence and found that gin drinkers tend to spend the most when they shop (around $80), while whiskey drinkers spent the least (around $40). The study makes sure to note that there’s no evidence that knocking back a few G&T’s affects people differently than drinking other kinds of alcohol, and the mental state that drinkers often claim a certain alcohol puts them in is probably a placebo effect.

Some more statistics from the study include:

• Women spend more than men on average when drunk online shopping
• When ‘splurging,’ gin drinkers spend the most ($235 on average)
• Men spend more than women on average when ‘splurging’ (around $200, where women spent around $155)
• The most commonly regretted drunken purchases are cell phones
• The most commonly enjoyed drunken purchases are musical instruments

You’d think a bunch of shoppers with beer goggles and lowered inhibitions would be great for retailers, right? Wrong. In fact, according to the study, around 50 percent of respondents returned their drunken Amazon purchases.

Of course, it would be an insult to the scientific method if the study didn’t list a few of the strangest drunk purchases that the respondents boozily bought. Notables include a coffee enema (which comes with a ‘discreet bag’), breast enhancement pills, a barrel of lubricant, and a giant tent to grow (presumably) pot in.

But hey, we’re not judging any drunk online shoppers out there. We’re sure that coffee enema seemed like a good idea at the time. Alcohol often makes for poor decisions, but it’s also responsible for many an engrossing story. After all, nobody wakes up to realize they bought a 55-gallon drum of lube the night before and blames it on the Caesar salad.