These Porpoises May Go Extinct Because Fish Bladders Are Delicious

We all have our guilty pleasures, our shameful little private indulgence. A 7 AM scratch ticket, nabbed with your morning egg and cheese. A fourth glass of "let-the-haters-hate" rosé. A batch of risotto that'll make you touch your soul. Or how about a delicious, gas-filled fish bladder, setting you back a cool $650,000?

As it turns out, you might want to feel a little extra guilty about that last one.

Off the coast of Mexico, a rare fish called the totoaba is sitting dead-center in a global dust-up between Greenpeace, government regulators, and high-seas smugglers. A new report from Greenpeace East Asia reveals that not only is the underground bladder trade a threat to the totoaba itself, it's also destroying one of the world's rarest porpoises.

Demand for the totoaba bladder straddles a line between the dubious healing powers of the rhino horn and the tasty-but-unconscionable shark fin soup. Despite repeated sanctions and crackdowns, black marketeers continue to peddle these organs in the streets of Hong Kong.

These are not bladders in the mammalian sense; rest assured, no urine will be found. They are swim bladders, filled with a gas that keeps the totoaba buoyant on the high seas. And it's this gas that leads some to believe in mythical benefits for human fertility and blood circulation. The bladder is typically prepared in a soup (though totoaba ceviche is rumored to be killer).

Like with shark fins, the harvest of totoaba bladders is particularly galling—the fish are often stripped of their precious organ, then left to rot on the beach (shady fishermen avoid getting caught with a whole totoaba at all costs). The bladders are shipped thousands of miles to Hong Kong and China, where the market will bear some pretty staggering prices.

Additionally, the new Greenpeace report shows a tangential issue with totoaba fishing—it's scooping up vaquitas, the world's rarest porpoise. If we should be kind of worried about totoabas disappearing, vaquitas should prompt a downright panic. These guys are down to less than 100 survivors; many predict a complete decimation by 2018.

The Mexican government banned all fishing in vaquita habitats this April, but well, it's $645,000 for one totoaba bladder. Because the fish and the porpoise share a habitat, vaquitas are being scooped up like dolphins in a tuna net.

There have been some high-profile crackdowns on totoaba smuggling in the past few years. Authorities found a bladder processing factory on the US-Mexico border in 2013 (please allow this surreal photo to enhance your nightmares). "These were rooms that didn't have furnishings," US Attorney Laura Duffy said. "In every room, fish bladders were dried out over cardboard and papers." And several California men have been caught with totoaba bladders in coolers, purchased in motel parking lots like so much low-rent meth.

The Greenpeace report urges authorities in Hong Kong and the US to step up their enforcement efforts. The bladders are typically procured in Mexico, brought to California, then shipped to Hong Kong. Greenpeace says it's unclear whether customs authorities are simply ignorant of the practice or are actively turning a blind eye.

Either way, the outcome is grim.