A Visual Guide to All the Calories in Your Christmas Cocktails
There’s no way you’d survive December if wasn’t for the pleasantly soothing effects of booze. But you can't blame your family for your end-of-the-year muffin top, which is why we created a visual guide to keeping your liquid caloric intake to a minimum.
The holidays are during the time of year when we inevitably fall into a horrible shame spiral of decadence, gluttony, and excess. And it's during this time that alcohol transforms into our best friend until it's all over.
We know that there's no way you'd survive December—with its never-ending shopping sprees and mandatory family gatherings—if wasn't for the pleasantly soothing effects of booze. But you aren't as young as you used to be, and your liver isn't as willing to deal with those monumental binge-drinking rampages that used to be a breeze for you in your early 20s.
Besides, you can't blame your family's Christmas dinner for that end-of-the-year muffin top and those rosy cheeks. They are—very clearly—the results of your indulgent drinking. This is why we created a visual guide for your caloric intake of some of the best cocktails that will save you this holiday season. We don't want to spoil your fun; we're just here to provide a social service to induce a tiny sprinkle of guilt while you get lit.
It doesn't matter if you go for rum, whiskey, mezcal, or tequila in your punch. Don't abuse it. Since it's just a bit (around an ounce), you don't need to worry about the calories in the alcohol, but those lurking in the brown sugar and fruit are the devil's work. And if you abstain from ordering a double, you won't go over 200 calories with this delicious, warm, and comforting drink. OK. It's freezing outside, so you better have another cup.
There is no way in hell you'll survive the holiday season if you're poorly prepared for hangovers. Micheladas, one of our favorite cures, will do its job without adding unnecessary calories.
Fill your glass with bubbly, crisp, cold cider. Try not to spill a drop because a standard glass contains only 200 calories.
You're screwed. Throw caution to the wind and accept that there's hundreds of calories in here, and every single one tastes delicious.
Mojitos are dangerous, and the world is a cruel place. The mixture of syrup, fruits, and herbs will spike your blood sugar levels in a matter of seconds. Three sips is 200 calories.
Another year went by, and another handful of scientific studies were published, informing us that red wine is great for our health. Pour two glasses, because they just have 200 calories.
Mezcal is treated with respect, but it's easy to lose it after your third glass. If eating and drinking in moderation is one of your New Year's resolutions, avoid this stuff altogether.
You can drink this all night and never get tired of the stuff, but 200 calories only buys you one drink. The advantage here is that tonic water doesn't contain many calories, so you can spend them all on the vodka. This is an option, not advice.
Gin and Tonic
*See Vodka Tonic notes. The calories are the same but gin tastes so much better. There's no question about it.
It's better to drink whiskey on the rocks, but if you're boozing on the cheap stuff, mix it with a flavored seltzer to masque its putrid flavor.
Nothing new to add here, friends. See red wine suggestions above.
But let's get real: it's the holiday season, which calls for at least six extra servings, so go ahead and raise a glass to the extra calories!
Better luck next year.