The New "Woozy Face" Emoji...Just Asked Me For My Number

Apple's latest release includes "a face which may be showing signs of being tired and emotional, i.e. drunk."

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Oct 31 2018, 5:31pm

Composite image: Getty Images // Emojipedia

The stumbling, overconfident lasciviousness of someone who has had a few too many is a tricky sentiment to express in a flat face that doesn't even have a nose. Emojis, as I've painstakingly attempted to establish, should be largely accepted for what they intend to represent (or for what they come to represent—looking at you, eggplant and peach). And so if you wanted to tell your friends that the date was fine at first, but dude got a little too wasted by the end of the night, truly any "woozy" emoji would do (or else, you know, words) but Apple has really outdone themselves on this latest batch: Amidst the curly hair, superheroes, and feet is "[a] face which may be showing signs of being tired and emotional, i.e. drunk." And, reader, it me after two Amaretto sours (I'm a lightweight with unsophisticated taste in alcohol).

I find this emoji fascinating because I can't look at it without trying to mimic the face—which is poor form for an open-concept office but a strong testament to just how drunk it will make you appear. Go ahead, try to raise one eyebrow by actually half-winking the other eye, and smiling a semi-smirk, semi-maw-bearing grin. Doesn't that feel like last time you thought you looked sexy as hell at a happy hour that ranneth over?

Now I'm not saying it's good to look like this. This is the face that lumbers towards you as last call approaches. This guy leans down to whisper in your ear but ends up shouting loud enough for everyone to hear about how the bartender is kind of a bitch. It's sort of strange to imagine someone using this emoji in the context of actually being drunk because it's basically admitting that if you go over to his place, he's going to forget your name by the morning. Compared to this the winky face is subtle. That said: I bet it ends up getting a whole buttload of usage, first ironically, and then with increasing literalism when people emboldened by a couple of beers at the bar find it's even easier to feign confidence over textual communication by just peppering in a few of these puppies.

At least now you can't say you weren't warned.