Spoiler alert: He was (allegedly) intoxicated.
Screengrab via YouTube
In the early hours of Wednesday morning, a man in the northwestern Russian region of Murmansk, just south of the Arctic Circle, reportedly stumbled upon a very intimidating looking tank. It had been sitting in a lot for a driving school facility controlled by DOSAAF, an organization backed by the Russian army. He didn't own it, but what did that matter? Our man needed some wine.
This unnamed aggressor was allegedly a little drunk and supremely bored, so he decided to stroll into town with this large toy. (It sounds like he just decided it was his, lack of permit be damned.) This wasn't his first rodeo when it came to the wild world of vehicular theft; he'd allegedly stolen a Kamaz truck earlier this month from a local satellite of the Russian Academy of Sciences.
This time around, though, he mounted the vehicle, struggling to operate it as he plowed through snowy terrain and totaled a car that happened to be in the way. It wasn't long before he graced the nearby town of Apatity with his war chariot. He eventually reached his destination: a convenience store that carried wine.
As Reuters confirmed on Wednesday, the man drove this tank straight into the window of said convenience store, smashing the storefront's windows. He somehow managed to exit through the vehicle's hatch and decided he could just waltz into the store through a broken window—an orifice he’d made himself, mind you—and stole the bottle of wine he so coveted.
(Plot twist: The store allegedly wasn't even permitted to sell alcohol to customers when the incident occurred.)
The damage didn't extend to anyone in the surrounding area, thank God, though the incident and its aftermath were captured on video by onlookers. Police arrested the man with the bottle of wine still in his hands. He did not resist arrest; after all, he got his wine. Local police forces are reportedly considering pressing criminal charges against the man.
Anyway, I can't believe this even needs to be said, but please don't drink and drive ever, tank or no tank.