Today's Special: You Can Anonymously Send Anyone a Chocolate Dick

Plus, a man's tantrum over being denied an in-flight fish dinner caused a 5-hour plane delay.

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Mar 5 2019, 7:09pm

Photo via Dick at Your Door

Welcome to Off-Menu, where we'll be rounding up all the food news and food-adjacent internet ephemera that delighted, fascinated, or infuriated us this morning.

NEWS

  • I was recently suspended from a group on Facebook for frequent travelers, mostly because I commented, “We are all proud of you for overcoming this hardship” every time someone complained about, like, the quality of the slippers in first class. I’m less proud of the way an Air Canada passenger handled the news that he wouldn’t be getting the fish filet he’d requested, especially since his behavior caused a five-hour delay for everyone else. The unnamed man was told that there weren’t enough fish meals in the business class cabin and, according to other passengers, he responded by verbally abusing the flight crew. “He was very calm and was like, 'If I don’t get fish, there will be a problem,” one witness told CTV News. “One way or another, I will get my fish, either you serve it to me or I will serve it to myself.” The plane returned to the gate so he could be removed from the aircraft, so it seems like the crew took the “Serve it to yourself” option. I hope that dude posts about it on Facebook. I also hope I’m un-suspended by then.
  • In addition to being my lord and saviour, Ariana Grande is also a newly minted Starbucks Ambassador, an honor that includes a complimentary Starbucks apron, her own cloud-inspired drink, and the unspoken promise that no one will mistakenly write “ARIOLA” or “ANIARA” on her to-go cups. On Monday, Grande and her mermaid BFF both teased the partnership by tweeting cloud emojis and, a day later, they both confirmed that the Ariana-stanning Iced Cloud Macchiato has been added to the menu, in both caramel- and cinnamon-flavored versions. The chain will reportedly be playing an Ariana-curated playlist in its stores on Friday and yes, I’ll be the one who’s yelling “A GRANDE GRANDE, PLEASE” into the faces of terrified baristas.
  • Fashion designer Stella McCartney has been a vegan for her entire life, which is completely unsurprising: Her mother, the late photographer and musician Linda McCartney, was an outspoken animal rights activist who launched her own line of vegetarian foods in the early 1990s. (Her BBC obituary even mentioned that she “did not eat anything with a face.”) During one recent runway show, Stella McCartney’s models wordlessly reminded everyone of the brand’s commitment to her cause, because they had tiny temporary tattoos that said “vegan,” fur free fur,” and “regenerate” on their necks, ears, and fingers. There’s never been a better time for you to get that HUMMUS LYFE neck ink.

PRACTICAL GIFTS

  • Has your downstairs neighbor watched Bohemian Rhapsody at least four times at AN UNHOLY DECIBEL LEVEL this week? Did a security guard escort you from your last office job before you could tell your boss what you really thought? Did a fish-deprived man in business class delay your flight for five hours? Send them a dick! A company called Dick At Your Door lets you anonymously send a milk chocolate or chocolate-filled penis to the recipient of your choice, on the occasion of your choice, and it arrives in a discreet box with the words “EAT A DICK” stamped on the inside lid.

“If you have any doubt that sending a product from this site could potentially harm someone, do not place an order,” the company advises. “It is your responsibility to use this site as it was intended, as a joke.” Yeah, well, it’s my neighbor’s responsibility to know what the volume button is.

PIZZA

  • The Stockton Kings might be in third place in the NBA G-League’s Western Conference, but they are CHAMPIONS when it comes to being pure.

On Saturday, they celebrated their mascot’s birthday with pizza party-themed uniforms, which made each player look like a slice of pepperoni and cheese. Check them out in action:

Happy Birthday, Dunkson! We’re glad no one sent you a chocolate dick.