Your Last-Minute Guide to Cooking the Ultimate Thanksgiving

Thanksgiving is a mere three days away, and you haven't even thought about turkey, let alone bought one.

You might still be able to order some packaged meal and try to pass it off as your own, Mrs. Doubtfire-style, but you wouldn't be fooling anyone.

But don't worry—hope is not lost, because we've already laid out a complete guide to throwing the perfect Thanksgiving.

First up: the bird.* We asked The Meat Hook's main meat man Tom Mylan to offer some tips on cooking an award-worthy turkey. His advice? "Take a deep breath." You still have plenty of time to brine your bird, air-dry it, smear it with butter, and roast it to crispy golden perfection. And if you fuck it all up and overcook the bird, Tom has some sage advice, too: "Pour gravy over it. I have done this in the past and almost no one noticed."

(*Sorry, vegans. We do have some slammin' animal-free mains for you, however, like this phyllo pot pie.)

With the bird bought and stashed in the fridge, you still have a couple of days to gather the rest of your ingredients and prep a few dishes, and the easiest ones to do in advance are also the tastiest.

That's right: pie.

A good pie, though, is always measured by the quality of its crust—another thing that's easy to fuck up if you don't know what you're doing, but impossible to fuck up once you do. Our simple guide to mastering pie dough examines three different varieties of the flaky, fatty pastry, and they all come together in mere minutes. You'll want to bookmark this one for the rest of the year, because you can use the same pastry for tarts, quiche, and more.

Now that the dough is done, move on to the fillings. And we have seven pie recipes that bakers of any skill level can tackle, from Callie Speer's couldn't-be-simpler chess pie to Pies 'n' Thighs' bourbon pecan showstopper. The hardest part will be picking which one to make.

Next up: sides. These are the dishes that really make the meal, and they couldn't be easier to pull together. We've outlined ten outstanding recipes—from classic roasted Brussels sprouts and herb stuffing to the untraditional but powerfully cheesy pommes aligot. And there's even more where that came from.

Finally, you have to pick your poison: wine or cocktails? We've got you covered on both ends. With the former, Marissa Ross outlines perfectly fitting wines for each member of your family. (For the moody goth cousin, she recommends Slovenian terran, which "smells like wet, dead violets and tastes kind of like blood.")

But if you're dying to play mixologist, we have six holiday-appropriate suggestions (like the pumpkin-spicy Sam Hain and the eggnog-like Tom and Jerry) to drink over the course of the evening.

And that's it: Thanksgiving in five steps. If you need even more suggestions on how to master the holiday, check out the MUNCHIES Guide to Thanksgiving. And pass the gravy.