Millennials Have Spoken and Uncrustables Are Definitely Ravioli

Yes, you read that correctly. Apparently, large portions of millennials consider Uncrustables a type of ravioli, pour their milk before their cereal, and bite into their string cheese, rather than peel it apart. But that’s not all.

In a depressing reflection of the world we live in, a recent survey by Porch.com concluded that “for 46 percent of participants, their feelings about food were more intense than their political convictions.” (Not to mention the 25 percent of participants who ranked their feelings about food and politics as equal.) Additionally, a startling 37 percent of people ranked their feelings about food as being stronger than their feelings about climate change. Which is interesting, considering that climate change could wipe out many of the world’s favorite foods in the near future.

Now, this isn’t necessarily the most reliable survey in the world. Porch.com surveyed 1,008 people using Amazon’s Mechanical Turk, which basically pays people who sign up to do small computer tasks—like take surveys. The pool was made up of 458 men, 549 women, and one who preferred not to answer. It included 158 baby boomers, 293 Gen Xers, 544 millennials, and 13 from other generations. Porch.com even added a disclaimer, stating that “While we maintain that the data shown are extremely serious to many, we are, of course, presenting it solely for entertainment purposes.”

But despite the unsettling amount of people that care more about food than affecting political change and, you know, SAVING THE PLANET, the survey had some gentler, more lighthearted stats to share. Notable numbers include:

• 70 percent of participants say ranch on pizza is acceptable
• 16 percent say Chicago Deep Dish doesn’t count as pizza
• 71 percent say pineapple on pizza is acceptable
• 25 percent eat mac and cheese with a spoon
• 25 percent consider hot dogs sandwiches (WTF?)

A whopping 53 percent of respondents said they bite into Oreo cookies as-is—without splitting them in half. (Which, frankly, I didn’t even know was possible.)

An overwhelming amount of people (82 percent, to be exact) reported that they put ketchup on their hot dogs—despite it being in direct violation of the National Hot Dog and Sausage Council’s rules for Hot Dog Etiquette.

While the majority of the internet will probably jump on those who care more about food than politics or—arguably worse—put pineapple on their pizza, a few of these stats do hit home. I have been known to pour my milk before my cereal, in a (futile) attempt to limit the amount of Special K Red Berries that I consume in one sitting to the amount of bowls it takes to finish off the pre-rationed milk. And, while I don’t chomp into my string cheese like some uncultured savage, I can understand the allure of rebelling against the string cheese system. Fight the power, dude.