Why Is No One Talking About How the Rock Puts Tequila in His Oatmeal?

Don't let his pineapple on pizza preferences distract you from the real news here.

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Nov 30 2018, 8:47pm

You know what's fine? Pineapple on pizza. Personally, I'm a fan (although paired with something spicy, not the Hawaiian-style ham slices). I'm not going to force-feed you pineapple pizza or make it my family crest or anything, but we're past the point of shock and horror that some people put the tropical fruit on their pies. Or at least, we should be past the point of shock and horror. "Pineapple on pizza" yields about 88,300,000 results on Google—which means even if it remains divisive, it's definitely A Thing. In fact, its staying power as subject of derision is merely proof of its staying power in the public consciousness.

You know what's not a thing? Tequila in oatmeal. Google that and you'll get just 2,440,000 results—seemingly none of which actually endorse pouring shots into your hot breakfast cereal. The first page of search engine results includes stories on oatmeal stouts, ads for t-shirts that say "TANLINES [sic] & TEQUILA," and a recipe that suggests "Forget tequila, these oatmeal cookie shots are what you need."

And yet, for some reason, people's (as well as People's) reactions to the Rock's recent instagram have centered primarily on the pizza pictured....

...and not the the strange bottom-of-the-caption admission that "I'm the guy who likes to put tequila and brown sugar in my oatmeal."

Dwayne, buddy, what makes you think brown sugar and tequila are comparable as breakfast mix-ins?

I don't understand how this would work. Is he using tequila in place of milk or water to cook the oatmeal? Is the alcohol cooking off? Is he drizzling tequila into a hot bowl of oatmeal? Is he drinking tequila while eating oatmeal? Is a cocktail for breakfast the key to having duplex shoulder muscles?

The Rock Just Really Loves Eating an Entire Hawaiian Pizza, Eater says.

The Rock Ate an Entire Pineapple and Ham Pizza Before Filming an Action Scene, Us Magazine says.

The Rock is Team Drake in Ongoing Pineapple Pizza Debate, The Blast says.

When The Rock Needs to Carb Up, He Eats an Entire Pizza, Vulture says.

Wait, what? Is everyone else boozing at breakfast? I say.

Celebrities: Sometimes they're really not like us at all.