How to Eat Crab Like You Know What You're Doing

If you're from Maryland, chances are you've probably gotten crabs in the summer. And if you're a real Marylander, you've gotten them multiple times, often with different people and random friends.

Sometimes you'll get crabs while partying in Ocean City or cruising along the Chesapeake Bay.

Regardless of how you get crabs, or how often you get them, or who you get them with (or from), you'll want to steam and pick those guys pretty soon.

Our recommendation? Steam them in a mixture of vinegar and water. You could even throw some beer into the pot, but I can tell you one thing: It ain't a Maryland crab without Old Bay, so toss those bad boys with some before you steam them.

Lay out some newspapers on your table and gather your tools. You'll need some mallets for bashing, some pickers for picking, and maybe a butter knife here or there if you don't have a cracker. (Tip: place the butter knife on the claw and use your mallet to smack down on the knife and crack the claw.)

You'll also need some melted butter, apple cider vinegar, and extra Old Bay for dipping all your meat. Some people—people who are not patient—eat their meat as they go. But me? I save my meat as I pick, gathering a huge pile of lump and claw meat. I then do the unthinkable/best thing ever and douse them in butter AND vinegar and go to town.

One doesn't pick crabs to get full, mind you. You'll want some sides to snack on as you go (as you'll probably be downing many a beer while you pick and trash-talk around the table, you'll need a healthy foundation on which to drink).

Corn is a must. It simply isn't summer without it. You could go classic and throw it in the pot with the crabs, or you could try out sweet grilled corn recipe.

Coleslaw is another classic at any outdoor summer event, and this Vietnamese-style slaw has got everything you want. Purple and green cabbage tossed with a spicy fish sauce, cucumbers, and carrots will have your next crab gathering on point.

And who can forget potato salad? You can't beat a classic, and this one has got all the right moves (hard-boiled eggs, celery, and pickles) to balance out any heat from that slaw or the Old Bay.

And on the off-chance that sitting around all day, drinking beer, and getting little cuts all up in your fingers (only made worse by the Old Bay and vinegar rubbing in them) isn't your thing? Well, it's summer, and you can still enjoy crabs with a bit less work. Get out there, buy some meat, and make crab cakes or crab dip or crab salad.

Tell people you picked the meat yourself. And if they don't believe you? They can fuck right off. You don't have to share shit with them. And if they don't like it? Just say you're from Maryland and feeling a bit crabby.