Cheeseburger Soup Is a Monstrosity

WTF, you guys?

|
Oct 19 2017, 6:00pm

Minestra di cheeseburger. Immagine via Flickr, userbill

This article originally appeared on MUNCHIES Denmark.

If there's one thing you can never get tired of, it's a juicy burger and a thick slice of cheese squeezed together in a fluffy roll. It's an American classic that never goes out of style, and as long as it's served with cheese, you can abuse the noble fast food classic with avocado, portobello mushrooms, or whatever you're in the mood for. Pretty much everything is allowed—except coleslaw.

Or so we thought. Because it turns out that a spinoff of the burger, another American health phenomenon, has made its way into Danish kitchens: Cheeseburger soup.

That seems to be the case if you can trust the users of Denmark's most popular food-related Facebook group, What are we having for dinner tonight?, where thousands of completely ordinary, joyful (and sometimes blunt) Danes share their definitely-not-photoshopped pictures of whatever they're having for dinner.

We know what you're thinking: "So what?" But listen, forget everything about food culture. If you're a member of the group, you receive daily unfiltered insight into the dietary habits of Danish people in real time.

At this point, you probably have a mental visualization of what you think cheeseburger soup looks like, but no. The soup isn't four patties blended to hell in a food processor, and nor is it a deconstructed fine dining-inspired phenomenon. Cheeseburger soup is actually a well-established part of American cuisine, and there's even a ready-made version produced by the titan of canned soups, Campbells.

But the version that proliferates in Danish kitchens seems to be a variation that, in recent years, has rapidly spread on LCHF blogs. LCHF stands for "Low Carb High Fat," a diet that, among other things, entails cutting out all grain products and eating lots of meat and cabbage instead.

This way, you're presumably able to lose weight and stabilize your blood sugar. But I can't help but to think that such a diet must carry consequences for the air quality of one's intestinal system.

As someone who needs to lower their blood sugar but who's also equipped with sensitive intestines, I find myself in a paradox. But it's not a paradox to the extent that cheeseburger soup is.

The Danish version of cheeseburger soup actually contains what a good burger should: Beef, cheese, and bacon. It's a step in the right direction, but from there it goes wildly downhill—and fast. Cabbage, beef bouillon, and tomato purée have no business in a cheeseburger.

Which leads me to my next question: Why on earth is it called "cheeseburger soup" when it has absolutely nothing to do with a burger?

The only reason why the otherwise immediately enticing soup made with cabbage, meat, and cheese is associated with fast food is probably because it's physically easier to swallow than the burger itself. But let's be real, diet fanatics: You're not fooling anyone. This is just yet another installment in a long line of bastardized burger spinoffs, along with the Big Mac-roly-poly and cheeseburger nachos. The cheeseburger soup is just as much a burger as the Trolliburger is.

Well, now I'm off to the supermarket to shop for cabbage and beef bouillon mixed with cream cheese and topped with shredded cheese. But I'll be damned if I have cheeseburger soup. Never as long as I live.

Translated by Hanne Sonderborg.