Who Is Convincing Fast Food Workers to Smash Their Own Restaurant Windows?

Imagine that you are a fast food worker, slinging burgers or shoveling fries, as the case may be. One day, at your grease-coated place of business, you receive a call. The person on the line purports to be from the local fire department. He or she then instructs you to smash every single window in the entire establishment in which you work. Do you immediately rush to do so?

You might be thinking, "That's ridiculous! Of course I wouldn't start smashing windows! Who would do such an asinine thing?"

The answer to that question is a bunch of employees at a Burger King in Shawnee, Oklahoma—that's who.

Oh, and there are also the employees at the California Burger King who did the same thing earlier this year. And let's not forget the fine folks in Coon Rapids, Minnesota, who also fell victim to the same prank last Friday. Did we mention it also happened to both an Arizona Jack In The Box and a Wendy's back in February?

The bottom line is this: Some endeavoring prank caller(s) is costing chains thousands of dollars. The windows in the Shawnee restaurant had to be boarded up last week and the seating area closed after gullible employees followed the instructions of a faux fire marshall.

Thomas Larmen of the Shawnee Fire Department told KFOR news, "The employee stated that a person called them and told them there were high levels of carbon monoxide in their building, and they needed to break out all their windows."

In what must have been a crazed panic, the fast-food workers used chairs to shatter the glass. We're pretty sure this fad is the fast-food equivalent of getting some unsuspecting homeowner on Halloween to provide you with the eggs you will in turn plaster their very house with.

Guess what happened next? The real fire department came and found no sign of gas.

"It is a little upsetting that they would try to give the fire department a black eye," Larman said. "We would never do anything like that. We're here to serve the public."

So far, it's unclear whether this is simply the actions of one individual or the work of several copycats. Whatever the case, we'd suggest law authorities don't immediately rule out the acts as the shadowy hand of some clandestine, hamburger hating sect.

Screw swatting YouTubers. 2016 is unfortunately shaping up to be all about getting fast food chains to vandalize the shit out of themselves. Can't we just go back to the good ol' days when we left food establishments out of our grand, Machiavellian schemes? After all, won't someone think of all the poor, hapless burgers?