The MUNCHIES Guide to Mother's Day

Moms: They are quite literally responsible for all of us being here today. For that, they deserve our thanks.

But the world's many moms are like snowflakes, and not all of them want just another Hallmark card with a kitten on it tomorrow.

So here's a brief guide to help you say "I'm sorry that you endured hours of godawful labor just to bring me into this junkyard of a world" to any and all kinds of mothers. What better way to do that than with food?

Start simply with simple moms—the kind of moms who want to do nothing but kick back with some sweet tea and tear into the latest issue of Good Housekeeping. Serve her a perfectly fried egg, and follow it up with a slice of blueberry grunt from the guys who make breakfast their business.

But every mama has her savory side. Turn to Frank Pinello, owner of Brooklyn's Best Pizza, for his nonna's chicken cutlet recipe, served in a lemony sauce with garlic and parsley.

Why stop there? Mom suffered through your wailing, stinky infancy, so give her a show-stopping dinner like this massive Albanian borek, stuffed with ground beef and Aleppo pepper. Action Bronson stands dutifully by as his aunt shows him how it's done, lest he get thwacked by her rolling pin.

Maybe mom's more of the Lucille Bluth type and would take a cocktail over a cutlet any day. No problem there, friends: We have dozens of drink recipes here for you.

A mom-ready standout? The Mousetrap from New Orleans's Ali Mills. It was named after a grocery vendor who was shot in the St. Roch Market in 1900 after his wife and the next door vendor's wife got in a fight over a mousetrap. Mom'll love that.

For round number two, you can serve her an entire boozy brunch in a mason jar with this stupidly massive hangover helper from the guy who started Milwaukee's epic Bloody Mary garnish wars. Stick a whole fried chicken on top as an extra "thank you" for driving you to elementary school all those years ago.

But if you really want to bond with Mom, why not take a trip together to meet the Earth Goddess? All you'll need is a few spoonfuls of this potently shroomy risotto. (No, we're not actually recommending that you dose your mother with psychedelic mushrooms on Mother's Day. But hey, maybe you grew up on an ashram? We don't judge.)

But if your mom doesn't want to sit around talking to spirits tomorrow, we don't blame her. Maybe it's best to just stick to breakfast. What kind of mother could resist homemade bagels, or the fluffiest pancakes in North America? (The answer: none.)

Happy Mother's Day, moms.