This Week in Food Porn: Milk, Cookies, and Quail

Sometimes the snow comes down in June, sometimes the sun goes round the moon, just when you thought a chance has passed, we go and save the best til—well, Saturday. That's when we bring you—the busy working champions of the world—a thumb-saving scrolltopia of the most delicious dinners, dishes, and desserts to be uploaded to Instagram this week.

You know Instagram: the porn-friendly filter App that allows you to send photos of yourself halfway through a spinning glass looking like a something from a Young MC video, rather than the sweaty, glistening, Roald Dahl character you really are.

It also goes great with food. So, enjoy this week's selection. And if you don't like it—well, sashimi.

Ravishingly rude quail with @chrishayesuk @noblerotbar

A photo posted by Rosie Birkett (@rosiefoodie) on Dec 2, 2015 at 3:04pm PST

Because I don't tend to have sex under a set of mirrored ceiling tiles, I've never been totally sure how I look mid-way through the throws of passion. I've never really seen my "O face." I've never been too sure if you can spot the bits I missed with a razor. I've always wondered what gravity actually does when you're at that angle. Well, now I know.

Meringues, chestnuts and a pear. Baking recipes based on taste and always with the seasons for my new Guardian column starting Dec 5th #bakefortaste @wilko_anna plates @anakerin_kanalondon A photo posted by Violet by Claire Ptak (@violetcakeslondon) on Nov 26, 2015 at 8:12am PST

It's nice to see that Caravaggio is alive and well and, in fact, living in Hackney, dicking about with egg whites and the odd soft fruit. Shame he hasn't got hold of an iron yet though, poor lad.

HomemadePasta Ayer aprendí a hacer pasta rellena en #UnMartiniEnLaFoodieteca y hoy toca probar en casa

A photo posted by ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀Delicious Martha (@deliciousmartha) on Dec 3, 2015 at 5:15am PST

It says quite a lot about my level of domestic capability that I thought that was a typewriter up in the top left hand corner, surrounded by Scrabble tiles and an egg. Still, if Martha ever needs someone to help her wipe up all that messy flour, I'm more than happy to help.

I'm not entirely sure what to call this, other than the best breakfast for when you've had a few (too many) drinks. I met up with an old friend last night who I haven't seen in ages. You know the kind who you can not see for 6 months, but you pick up a conversation like it was yesterday? We went for dinner, and proceeded to go out and grab a few drinks. One thing led to another and let's just say I needed a hearty breakfast to make me feel like a human again. Take a tablespoon of olive oil and heat it in a skillet. Add 3 tablespoons of green onion and another 3 of leeks. Once they're soft, add spinach, and lemon juice. When the spinach becomes wilted and looks delicious, drain the liquid and place aside. Carve out 3 wells for eggs, and make sure to keep the yolk intact. Bake at 300 for 10 or until eggs are set. Take the leftover juices, heat them up, and mix with chilli. Pour over the top, and serve! There is the sweetness from the oil, heat from the chilli, and heartiness from the eggs and spinach. This is a protein packed, not-too-heavy breakfast to start your day right. All in at less than 500 calories! #eeeeeats #eatclean #tastetoronto #thecreatorclass #shootityourself #yahoofood #protein #eggs #healthyfood #huffposttaste #food #foodie #f52grams #feedfeed #foodporn #diet #vegetarian #macros #fitness #nutrition #breakfast #bonappetit #buzzfeedfood #buzzfeast #cleaneating A photo posted by 500under500 (@500under500) on Dec 3, 2015 at 7:10am PST

The day I eat a breakfast that's under 500 calories is the day you might as well just take me away to be shot. If that breakfast is a cold "spinach and egg pot" sold out of a metal cage on the way out of a train station, then don't waste the bullets: I'm already dead inside.

Ham. Bit 'caramelised' and terrible knife skills carving but tasty as.

A photo posted by Gizzi Erskine (@gizzierskine) on Dec 1, 2015 at 10:13am PST

If you turn your head a little to the side and squint, this is actually a pretty good rendition of Edvard Munch's "The Scream," enacted entirely in meat.

First flower sprouts of [this end of] the year @tedsveg A photo posted by Ed Smith (@rocketandsquash) on Nov 27, 2015 at 3:06am PST

If ever there were a flatulence diagram to illustrate the ratio of hydrogen sulfide to methane this, my friends, would be it. If ever I were to design a two-colour national flag to celebrate a horizontal veg bloat this, my friends, would be it. If ever I were to get a Scout badge for blowing up the paraffin heater with my own arse this, my friends, would be it.

Spring onion tempura @jidoriuk

A photo posted by tuckandvine (@tuckandvine) on Nov 30, 2015 at 1:18pm PST

Deep fry the world and sprinkle it with spices. Plunge me in a bubbling pool of fat. Make me crisp and call it Spring (onion time.)

Aubergines left to cook slowly with a soft spice mix of ginger, garlic, turmeric, cloves and pepper. At the end, a little honey, yoghurt and pistachios. Soft, earthy and melting. Recipe on guardian.com and nigelslater.com winter vegetable dishes. A photo posted by Nigel Slater (@thenigelslater) on Nov 29, 2015 at 6:10am PST

Poor Sebastien. His light shone so bright. He brought us such joy. He had such an intrinsic understanding of Caribbean culture and he put up with that fucking bore Ariel for so much longer than we ever could.

Dear friends! If you are an aspiring chef or waiter in Australia, check out our website (see link in bio)! Picture by @thomasfrebel. #nomaaustralia

A photo posted by noma (@nomacph) on Dec 1, 2015 at 1:38pm PST

Soft, earthy, and melting may well be the way I describe the contents of a catacomb but, for Uncle Nigel, these are the corners of the perfect triangle of aubergine, yogurt, and cucumber. And if you dare make a joke about crying over spilt milk I shall personally shave off your eyebrows.

The best combo out there A photo posted by Linda Lomelino (@linda_lomelino) on Nov 25, 2015 at 1:54pm PST

OK, that's it. That. Is. It.