Pizza nachos, grilled cheese sandwiches, and bagel bites are the best way to guarantee a great 4/20.
A version of this article first appeared on MUNCHIES in April 2017.
Here, have a dollar for every time you got stoned and found yourself elbow-deep in a box of stale cereal—and now you've got enough cash to buy another eighth!
Before you light up again, have a little forethought and you won't be riddled with self-hatred in a few hours. One trip to the store and a few minutes of prep is all you need to feel virtuous as hell when you're lit off the devil's lettuce—this time, you'll be eating something that requires a few more steps than opening a bag and licking cheese dust off your fingers.
True to our name, here are some… ahem, munchies, so you can do 4/20 right.
You probably have deja vu, because you've definitely thought up the magical combination known as pizza nachos after a weird night of hitting a stranger's vape pen. Lucky for you, we wrote up the recipe for your bookmarking convenience—though all you really need to remember is pita chips + pizza-like toppings + hot-ass oven. Pizza. Nachos.
We're sorry to keep harshing your vibe, but you also didn't come up with the loaded baked potato-quesadilla hybrid. But most likely we weren't the first either, so you can take credit for this one, if you want. Your friends might be too faded to remember how to Google fact-check you anyway.
Is it just us, or is queso a supremely underrated consume-while-high food? This simple and deeply, scarily satisfying recipe is best enjoyed standing over the stove with a family-sized back of tortilla chips.
Midwesterners know what the fuck is up. If you haven't had cheese curds, they kind of transcend our lexicon of bombness, but, for all intents and purposes, consider them bite-sized mozzarella sticks. But also, don't think too hard about it.
A burrito, when stoned, is like an anchor in the storm. Hold on tight to this little log of potato, egg and sausage to keep a grasp on reality when you start to feel like you're melting into the couch.
If you're going to maintain that cold pizza is the best pizza, we're not going to fight you. But we are going to bring to your attention the fact that "french toast" is now a verb, and we french toasted pizza. Yes, it is every bit as incredible as you'd expect. No, don't put maple syrup on it. You know, unless you want to. Just gonna leave this here.
We all know Action Bronson lives a lot larger than the rest of us, so you don't have to use expensive-ass ribeye steak and condiments, but properly cooked steak + good bread + your favorite condiments = sandwich success for sure.
Whatever you do, do not—do not—let yourself sit on the floor of your kitchen in front of the fridge eating this entire casserole straight out of the dish. Have some self respect. Sit at a table and eat it straight out of the dish.
Here's one of those delicious things that you, in a perfect world, enjoy in high solitude and don't tell anyone about. Since actual secret-keeping doesn't make for great internet content, we've shared the best ten-minute, three-ingredient, best-served-while-slinking-into-the-shadows recipe—you can (and should) eat out of the ramen bag, saving yourself some dishwashing on 4/21.
There's nothing quite as satisfying as a good, greasy burger when you're under any sort of influence, and this version, from the two Aussie-born, New York-based restaurateurs behind Two Hands café is just what you need to help you feel a little more normal.
Remember your first 4/20? Okay, whether you do or not, pay homage to that first time you got silly-high and wolfed down a whole package of frozen mini pizza bagels with this homemade version.
Grilled cheese is, for obvious reasons, the archetypal stoner food. It's warm, it's bready, it's cheesy, and even your comatose dealer Drug-Rug Blake can make it. This kimchi-laced version by Deuki Hong, co-author of Koreatown: A Cookbook, is just as easy, and arguably more even more delicious—Cowgirl Creamery Mt. Tam cheese, nori seaweed, Granny Smith apple, and kimchi are piled high between two halves of a Hawaiian roll brushed in gochujang mayo. Can't be mad at that.
Personally speaking, we enjoy eating a home-made version of things from that one chain that likes to grand stand on their soapboxes of performative morality while stoned out of our minds, because as the Bible says, "Judge not lest ye be judged!"
Ohhh, the heart burn that is about to ensue after you absent-mindedly inhale all two dozen of these jalapeño poppers! But the burn will be so, so good, we promise.
Since the stoned stomach is bottomless (it's science), you've got to be prepared with sweet shit to follow the savory. Easy answer: fudgy brownies. This recipe get bonus points for being vegan—so you don't get freaked out thinking about how, like, crazy it is, dude, that we eat unborn chickens.
You can probably manage this dessert popcorn recipe even after a few hits, but set yourself up for success and make it beforehand and future, easily-confused-and-not-safe-around-a-hot-stove you will thank you.
At the end of the day, we know what you want to eat when you're all hecked up on weed. You want to dump the contents of your pantry—cereal, chocolate syrup, candy—on a massive bowl of ice cream. We see your stoner sundae and raise you a bowl of fluffy, gooey Korean shaved milk. Dope, and shockingly easy to assemble.
But also, let's appreciate the MUNCHIES Test Kitchen's ability to perfect the fine art of the stoner sundae with this magnificent beast, served in an actual cookie bowl. We're a little worried this might totally blow your mind after a joint or two, so sorry, not sorry in advance for that.
Aside from shoving your whole arm into a family sized bag of cheese puffs, peanut butter and jelly sandwiches are probably the easiest thing to make while high AF. Enjoy it in the form of your other favorite stoner snack—ice cream. You can also watch how to make two different versions of weed-infused ice cream over on Bong Appétit.
There really is no other time in one's life that justifies consuming a creation like Action Bronson's rainbow cereal marshmallow bars quite as undeniably as 4/20.
Hungry yet? Happy highlidays.