Naked Home Invader Sends Fruit Basket to Apologize for Making Neighbors See His Junk
Not sure if a few apples and a banana are gonna cover it, bud.
Photo: Getty Images
There are more than 86 million Google results for the phrase “cheap fruit basket,” because sending someone a carefully arranged collection of overripe bananas and slightly bruised pears is a universally accepted way to say everything from “Congrats on Your New Job” to “I’m Sorry My Grandpa Sounded Racist” to “I’m Sure Your New Condo Doesn’t Have Termites, Those Definitely Aren’t Termite Holes.”
Whether you’re celebrating, mourning, expressing gratitude, or making a half-assed apology, sending a pre-fab fruit basket is a simple way to let someone know that they briefly crossed your mind while you were in the produce section. It’s apparently also a nice way to reach out to the family you traumatized when you stripped off your clothes and broke into their home.
According to ABC15, Desmond Michael Drakes allegedly forced his way into his neighbors’ house—while very naked—and rampaged his way through their place, attacking a teenager and an adult woman and smashing a “large section of drywall.” He then fled to his own residence, where he was apprehended by the Tempe (Arizona) Police Department. (Drakes refused to comply with the officers, and was Tasered.)
While Drakes was in jail, a judge issued him with an an injunction against harassment, at the request of his neighbors. That meant that he was supposed to refrain from having any kind of contact with the family, even the kind of contact that comes in a wicker basket. A week after the injunction was put in place, Drakes violated it by sending a fruit basket to his neighbors, presumably hoping that some tangerines would make them forget about that time they saw his junk.
Drakes has been charged with indecent exposure and criminal trespassing. Maybe he should’ve sent the judge a fruit basket, too.