North Korea Says It's Keeping Nukes, But Might Open Burger Joint in 'Gesture of Goodwill'

If you’re Donald Trump, you probably received a recent CIA analysis with mixed feelings. On the one hand, the agency is reporting that North Korea has no plans to surrender its nuclear weapons, no matter how many summits are planned or cancelled, or how many commemorative coins are currently available in the White House gift shop. On the other hand, the always unpredictable country has considered opening a fast food restaurant, as a gesture of goodwill toward President Trump.

“The CIA report does not specify which fast-food brand could be invited to North Korea, but said [Kim Jong Un] envisioned that the establishment could be used to provide food during the talks and would show that he was open to Western investment,” NBC News explains.

And everyone knows that Trump freaking loves fast food, more than he loves proper capitalization, any member of the Justice Department, and Tiffany. (Seriously…. where is Tiffany?) In their book about his 2016 Presidential run, fired campaign manager Corey Lewandowski and aide David Bossie wrote that “on Trump Force One there were four major food groups: McDonald's, Kentucky Fried Chicken, pizza and Diet Coke.”

That is decidedly not the case in North Korea, even though the late Kim Jong-il claimed that he’d invented the hamburger. He called his creation “ Gogigyeopbbang,” and it was described as “double bread with meat,” but—let’s be honest—it was a fucking hamburger.

Despite Kim’s Gogigyeopbbang, North Korea had a longstanding ban on fast food, which it considered to be an evil “Imperialist influence.” That changed slightly in 2009, when the first US-style fast food restaurant opened in Pyongyang. The restaurant, called Samtaesong, served "minced beef with bread,” waffles, fried chicken, and even draft beer. According to The Telegraph, when it opened its doors, an order of minced beef with bread cost US $1.70, which was almost half of what the average North Korean earned in a day.

“The hamburgers weren’t quite up to snuff, but the fried chicken was delicious with a nice crispy coating,” one Japanese traveler said. “Also, since they gave me a little plastic glove to eat my chicken, my hands didn’t get all greasy. I thought it was a pleasant little surprise to the whole experience.”

Air Koryo, the national airline of North Korea, also serves a burger—or a burger-shaped item that some Western passengers have described as the worst thing they’ve ever eaten. “It's not very nice and it's not clear what kind of meat it is. Probably not dog,” tour operator Simon Cockerell told MUNCHIES. “Nobody flies Air Koryo for the food, but I've probably eaten about 30 of them so far, and only when very hungry. The vegetarian option on the airline is 'don't eat the burger.'”

Obviously there are zero McDonald’s in NoKo, but Cockerell said that hamburgers were available “all over” the capital city. “If you had money, you could open up pretty much anything in the city, although you probably couldn't open a place called something like Uncle Sam's All-American Steak House,” he quipped. “That might be a step too far."

But what about McDenuclearization? Or Big Don’s House of Well-Done Meat Bits? That’s probably up to Kim Jong Un.

Either way, we hope there’s a commemorative coin.