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Here's Your MUNCHIES Super Bowl Menu

Don't even think about throwing a Super Bowl party that doesn't include these blackened hot wings, DIY Bloodies, crab mac 'n' cheese, grapefruit beer punch, and more.

Munchies Staff

Photo by Alastair Casey

As you may have heard, today is none other than that wild 'n' crazy celebration of television commercials and possibly football, the Super Bowl! But whether or not you give a dang about watching very large men tackle each other on Astroturf over a brown leather torpedo, the snacking and drinking opportunities of this sports-centric pseudo-holiday are not to be missed. Now's the time to serve couches and barstools of yelling people with our most favorite versions of burgers, dip, and boozy punch. Are you ready to get in the game?!

Punch is underrated—it's the easiest way to get large groups of people drunk with minimal mixing effort. Fill up your bathtub with one of these bad boys. If you want to fancy up a few cases of Coors, make this Grapefruit and Beer Punch, which takes cheapy brewskies into beautiful-people territory via grapefruit juice, mint, and lemon slices.

Seattle and New England both have crappy weather (as you may have heard, these are the teams that will be participating in this year's Super Bowl), but that doesn't mean you can't sip on a delightfully tropical Ivorian Bourbon Punch or our serve-me-in-a-pineapple-please Gin Punch, made with coconut milk, lemon, and lavender honey. And if you're in one of the colder states yourself, warm your insides with this Whiskey, Cider, and Rosemary Punch.

Rather go slushy? Make a couple of blenders full of Pink Daiquiris. They may be pink and fruity, but they're so tasty and boozy that even your meathead cousin will be putting an umbrella in his.

Up-close-Michelada

Or maybe you're hung over (after all, it is a Sunday). Set up a DIY Bloody Mary bar and then sit back and complain about your headache and dehydration while your guests make their own damn drinks. If all you've got is beer, no problem—Micheladas will do just as well. And if you're from Canada (and likely not reading this because you don't give a rat's ass about the Super Bowl), make a Classic Calgary Caesar and laugh at our good old American sports hysteria.

Speaking of meat, here's your Perfect Cheeseburger recipe from MUNCHIES host Matty Matheson. You're welcome! And if you've rather get jiggy with some very dope sliders made with bone marrow bread crumbs and cheddar mayo on a homemade potato bun, our recipe from Kronnerburger's Chris Kronner is right here. VEGANS—we didn't forget about you either. This absurdly tasty Vegan Sandwich is made with mushrooms, barbecue sauce, and your friend, kale.

Matty-Matheson-Burger

Matty's perfect cheeseburgers

The Super Bowl is the professional sports event of the year, but more importantly, it is the day when our nation consumes literally 1.25 billion wings. Go America! Our buttermilk-marinated Blackened Wings with chili-honey glaze are obviously the greatest wings out there, so prepare to dazzle your entire living room with these masterpieces. And if y'all are having a wing-eating contest, don't stuff your fanny pack in attempts to boost your number—you will be shamed á la Mick Foley.

And rounding out our lineup of Super Bowl's greatest hits are these homemade pizza bagel bites from New York's Black Seed Bagels and Thom Beers' world-famous Crab Mac 'n' Cheese. We thought macaroni and cheese was a perfect food until we threw a bunch of crab, mushrooms, onions, and chives in it. Then it was perfect.

Thom-Beers-Crab-Mac-N-Cheese

Alright—time for chips and dip. If you're feeling particularly ambitious today, you should obviously make Homemade Potato Chips, because damn, that's impressive. Or, prepare to cut your mouth up on some razor-like tortilla chips when you dive headfirst into this creamy, decadent, easily customizable Queso Dip. If you don't live in queso country, fear not—for you, we have the dankest fondue known to man as well as a culinarily advanced but still delightfully trashy 7-Layer Dip that will rock your sick, sad world.

queso

Ahh, queso

And if your team happens to lose today, we've got the two greatest consolation prizes once could ever need: highly potent weed butter and Christina Tosi's Cookie Dough Cookies.

See? We're all winners here.