Image via Reddit

(NSFW) There's a Subreddit Full of Filthy Avocado Porn

Just when you thought the internet couldn't get any weirder, of course it can.

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May 26 2017, 8:30pm

Image via Reddit

Look, we've seen all of those birds-eye shots of avocado-topped salads and avocado toast and avocado bowls and avocado milkshakes and luscious mountains of guacamole on your Instagram feed, and we get it—you fucking love avocados. But here's the true test of your lust: do you love fucking avocados?

Just how naughty does a glimpse of that smooth, buttery green flesh make you feel? How about running your fingers along the bumpy surface of that slick, dark skin while you envision its ripe contents? If all this talk is sending zingy feels to your nether bits, well, maybe you belong in the /avocadosgonewild subreddit.

If you're a big enough nerd in the realms of memehood and internet culture in general, maybe you're familiar with a little thing called Rule 34, which dictates that for any conceivable subject, there exists pornographic or sexually related material somewhere on the vast, harrowing world wide web. Surely there can't be people erotically fantasizing about, I don't know, the War of 1812?, you might ask. Can't there be? Or something even less arousing... how about Sonic the Hedgehog? Oh, honey—there's plenty. So naturally, the dirty mind of our collective online hivemind has spawned /avocadosgonewild, a place to let your filthiest images of hot young avocados (and even overripe ones, too) bare themselves.

A glance at the topic lines of each post might make you sweat if you, say, sit right next to your boss in an open office, as I do while I googled "Sonic the Hedgehog porn" to construct the previous paragraph of this article and as I continue to do while I look at truly depraved comments about hopelessly naughty avocados. "Found this dirty little slut out on the streets when I was out for a walk l[a]st night" reads one post. "First time... a little shy. Here's a sharpie in my H[a]sshole," another says.

But OK—take a deep breath, splash some cold water in your face, and click through.

Here's that "dirty little slut" that Reddit user myexcitinglife found on the streets:

And here's the Sharpie in aTm2012's "Hasshole":

Feast your eyes on a "bond[a]ge pic for you kinksters out there" who "like being strapped down":

They just keep coming... and coming... and coming.

The "Founder/Sole Moderator/Benevolent Dictator" of /avocadosgonewild is user Avocado_Puppet, whom I reached out to for insight on the origins of this subreddit but have not yet received a response. For now, we'll just have to let these images speak for themselves.

Before you think that this is just a little crew of inside-jokers having a laugh over some alligator pear puns, let it be known that there are more than 30,000 readers of this subreddit. No matter how dark your fantasies might be, just remember that you're never alone—not as far as the internet is concerned, anyway.

If they don't make you horny, these avocados gone wild just might make you hungry.