Restaurant Confessionals

Restaurant Confessionals
Restaurant Confessionals

The Wildest Things I Saw as a Food Cart Inspector for the NYC Parks Department

From the hot dog stand cartels to the crown jewel of violations—cooking capybara in the park—it was anything but dull.
Anonymous
6.20.18
Restaurant Confessionals
Restaurant Confessionals

As a Chef, I Wish Yelp Didn't Exist

A chef and restaurateur shares why reading online reviews is a maddening experience for many food industry professionals. Just remember, fine dining isn't a fucking community swimming pool.
Anonymous
2.26.18
Restaurant Confessionals
Restaurant Confessionals

Being an Artisanal Baker Destroyed My Body

In industrial bakeries, everything in the bread-making process is ergonomic with vigilant precautions towards health and safety. In small bakeries, this is often not the case.
Anonymous
2.19.18
Restaurant Confessionals
Restaurant Confessionals

Singing ‘Happy Birthday’ Is the Most Depressing Part of Being a Waiter

For this edition of Restaurant Confessionals, waiter Thomas Clarke shares his frustration about being forced to sing the Birthday Song to strangers in the name of hospitality.
Thomas Clarke
2.17.18
Restaurant Confessionals
Restaurant Confessionals

Valentine's Day Is Better with Weed Butter

My first foray into weed edibles was in seventh grade, but later in life it became a lucrative side business to supplement my full-time gig as a professional baker. As such, I can say that nice weed edibles are the best Valentine's Day gift ever.
Anonymous
2.14.18
Restaurant Confessionals
Restaurant Confessionals

What It’s Like as a Waitress to Watch Your Messy Valentine’s Day Tinder Date

Valentine’s Day is the same in every restaurant I’ve worked at but a couple of years ago, I watched one customer accidentally arrange two Tinder dates for the same night.
Anonymous
2.14.18
Restaurant Confessionals
Restaurant Confessionals

I Sold Pills to Manhattan's Elite from a Restaurant Coat Check

You can make a hell of a lot of money as a drug-dealing restaurant hostess.
Anonymous
2.10.18
Restaurant Confessionals
Restaurant Confessionals

Working at an All-You-Can-Eat Buffet Comes with Unlimited Craziness

People are extraordinarily dirty-ass eaters at a buffet. They steal food and think that they don't have to tip—even after I clean up the shells and bones they just throw on their tables.
Anonymous
2.6.18
etiquette
etiquette

Restaurant Customers Should Be Forced to Work in the Service Industry

That's really great that you've toured the gustatory delights of Rome, but this is my restaurant and I'm going to serve food my way. And yelling at me isn't helping anything, either.
Anonymous
1.28.18
Restaurant Confessionals
Restaurant Confessionals

How to Break Up a Fight in a Restaurant Kitchen

The tension between them slowly built up day after day. Working alongside them was the equivalent of living in the ‘hood when two rival gangs were at war, you could almost cut the tension in the kitchen with a knife.
Anonymous
1.21.18
Restaurant Confessionals
Restaurant Confessionals

Being a Private Chef for a Gazillionaire Is Essentially Indentured Servitude with Perks

Once you’ve reached a certain point in life, any X amount of dollars past that won’t make you happier. I meet plenty of miserable rich bastards who are angry about all these things. They should be happy and live wonderful lives. But they’re just people.
Anonymous
1.13.18
bars
bars

Being a Bouncer Means Breaking Up Lots of Fights Over Spilled Drinks

If you can picture it, I’m 6’ 8” and 315 pounds. I was always considered the nice guy out of my friends, and I don’t have a threatening or intimidating manner. But I’ve now been doing security for eight years.
Anonymous
1.7.18