Twizzlers

  • Our Only Hope for Preventing Nuclear War Lies in String Cheese and Twizzlers

    The US team of leaders doing nuclear negotiations with Iran is plowing through tens of pounds of cheap licorice, marshmallow squares, crappy trail mix, and cheese sticks.

  • Adults with Candy

    Eating candy as an adult is a cognizant choice towards a non-optimal food source. If you can’t show restraint, you deserve your self-induced diabetes and cavity mouth. But eating candy is the most adult thing a person can do.

  • Bon Appétit, Here's to Nothing

    You can call your restaurant “farm-to-table,” but who really cares? If there is not a feeling accompanying the food, how am I supposed to relate to it? Don’t ask me exactly what I mean by this, but I can tell immediately when it's not there.

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