This Is What It's Like to Be a Female Oyster Shucker

Welcome back to Restaurant Confessionals, where we talk to the unheard voices of the restaurant industry from both the front-of-house (FOH) and back-of-house (BOH) about what really goes on behind the scenes at your favourite establishments. In this installment, we hear from a female oyster shucker in the Netherlands.

Oysters have historically been associated with female genitalia and aphrodisiacs. I've heard every cliché joke imaginable about them, like "Do you have mussels as well?" or "Have you ever found a pearl?" Some men really believe that they make you horny, and will eat an excessive amount in the hope that something exciting will happen. Realistically, one has to eat about 50 oysters every day for a long period of time before something exciting happens. Sometimes I share this info, but most of the time I just let them eat.

A woman who cracks open oysters has to be somewhat brave—not an effeminate girl who's afraid that her nail polish will be ruined. When you first start out in this line of work, you will surely suffer from cramped arms. Once you get the hang of it you'll be OK, but until then it's be tough. On top of shucking, you're also carrying around cooler boxes.

You'll also be surrounded by strangers, which usually is a lot of fun but can also be awkward. When people enjoy eating oysters, I'm have a great time. I really don't care what kind of party it is. Generally I arrive during cocktail hour, either at a wedding or a reception, and usually I have left long before people get too drunk or bothersome.

But once I worked at an outdoor party in a village that had an unfathomable amount of annoying drunk men. They kept slapping my ass, and tried to open up my blouse. I just laughed at it instead of getting upset. I often wear a tough-as-nails, somewhat sexy outfit, so they think I should be resilient to this type of behavior. But men who try to sticking their hands down my pants will get a vicious response from me.

I frequently have a glass of wine when I'm working. You're constantly chatting with people, so when you get a moment for a glass of wine and a cigarette, it can be quite enjoyable. But drinking with the guests is out of the question. I think I need to uphold a certain sense of mystery in my line of work. I'm sometimes really tempted, especially when a party is exceptional. Once I was working at a party in Amsterdam, and thought to myself, "Okay, I have to leave or else I'm going to get drunk." This was at a party of five guys who worked in the film and advertising industry, and decided to celebrate their 50th birthdays with lots of booze and pills. Everybody wore fun dress-up clothes and let loose to rock music. My eyes practically popped out of my skull. At 3AM the party should have ended, but they decided to continue to the basement of the establishment, which look like a stereotypical porn set filled with white leather couches and plenty of drugs. They asked if I wanted to stay, but I decided to be sensible and left.

One gig terrified me to my core. A student club asked me to work for them, and requested to have 150 oysters for their debate weekend. I drove to the location by myself, straight into the woods. I had to drive farther and farther into these woods, until all of the sudden I thought, "I'm not sure if I'm comfortable with this. Where the heck am I going, and is this gig kosher?" Once I arrived, the party was terrific. These guys had rented a tavern in the middle of the woods for a hazing. It was an unequivocal pandemonium. They had been there for two days, and I felt really bad for the boys who were being hazed. They were covered in mayo and ketchup, and hadn't showered in over two days. One of them walked around with a lightsaber and had to fight invisible monsters. As expected, the hazed teens weren't allowed to have oysters. They were meant for the others. It was a bizarre gig to work at, but certainly a lot of fun.

By the way, in my line of work I don't just work with the wealthy. I work at a lot of business parties, and recently I worked at an 80th birthday party. That was actually quite neighborly, and all these old folks really loved the oysters. It's these intimate moments that I really enjoy being a part of.

Generally I agree to every job offer, if I'm available of course, but recently I had to deny someone my services. I was asked to work at a celebrated fetish party. Even though this sounds like an interesting event, I do think that this pushes the envelope somewhat. Working at events like these gives you a certain image—libidos and leather didn't seem like a smart idea.

As told to Felicia Alberding

This story first appeared in Dutch on MUNCHIES NL in July 2016.