You Can't Watch Your Filthy Porn Using McDonald's Wi-Fi Anymore

McDonald's bathrooms.

The stench of discarded McNuggets and human excrement mixing into an effervescent bouquet. The delightfully greasy linoleum sparkling, as sickly fluorescent light dances about with unquestionable beauty and elegance. That one old lady who simply won't stop banging on the door no matter how many times you tell her you'll be right out.

Whatever element catches your particular fancy, you don't have to be David Duchovny to tell that there are few other places on earth with the ability to get one's sexual juices flowing like a McDonald's. Hell, we'll go so far as to say the Kama Sutra lives and dies within the steamy walls of a McDonald's bathroom.

As in all matters, with great sexual dynamism comes great responsibility. That's the conclusion McDonald's has come to after some soul-searching, and as such, it has decided to save us from ourselves and our collective addiction to pornography.

McDonald's has announced that it has now begun to block access to any and all pornographic materials on the public Wi-Fi offered in its US locations. The move comes as other chains like Panera Bread and Chick-Fil-A have also decided to block seemingly offensive content from being accessed on their wireless networks.

The decision was made after an internet safety advocacy group called Enough is Enough put the pressure on the massive chain restaurant. The organization's mission is to end free Wi-Fi access to porn in public places, including malls, restaurants, hotel lobbies, and planes.

In an interesting twist, the anti-porn organization's CEO happens to be Donna Rice Hughes. Rice Hughes came to fame back in 1988, when her suspected affair with Democratic presidential hopeful Senator Gary Hart ended his White House campaign. She was famously photographed sitting on his lap on a dock wearing a shirt bearing the words "Monkey Business," the name of Hart's yacht. The former beauty pageant winner's face was tabloid bait for months thereafter.

So, yes: The person who wants to clean up the WiFi in McDonald's was involved in a sex scandal. But times have changed and now Hughes wants porn out of places where, she believes, children can access it.

Starbucks has yet to bend to the pressure from Enough is Enough, but they seem to be the organization's next target. Hughes has made a plea to Starbucks, similar to the one that appealed to McDonald's, after the Seattle chain agreed to install a Wi-Fi filter in its UK stores.

MUNCHIES reached out to McDonald's, which provided us with the following statement: "McDonald's is committed to providing a safe environment for our customers, and we are pleased to share that WiFi filtering has been activated in the majority of McDonald's nearly 14,000 restaurants nationwide. We had not heard from our customers that this was an issue, but we saw an opportunity that is consistent with our goal of providing an enjoyable experience for families."

Looks like that Happy Meal just got a little less happy.